Thursday, September 30, 2010

He's gonna hate me for this when he gets older


But seriously, how cute is my little half nekkid baby boy?


(We were trying to air out a diaper rash)

Thanks Auntie Amanda!

We LOVE our super cool name blocks you made for us!!




Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Luke's weapon

Remember when I told you Luke was getting crazy with his braces? Well, here is proof of his new skill, and his new weapon...

video





Monday, September 27, 2010

6 months!

Six. Months. Old.

How is that possible? Our babies are half a year old today. Wow.


These are from our morning photo shoot:





Hey, let's destroy this paper Momma put right in front of us...


Success! Paper destroyed! Teamwork. So proud of ourselves!


So what are you two up to at 6 months?

-Both started solids!
-Still in size 2 diaper
-Still in 3-6 month clothes, some 6 month clothes
-Going to bed around 6:45pm-7:15pm at night
- Still each getting up once a night to eat
-Both sitting "assisted" right now
-Manual dexterity impressing us more everyday! You both can pass things from one hand to another, and both reach for things and grab them.
-You two are laughing a lot!


My sweet, sweet babies...what a wild six months it's been. I probably say this every month, but it's strange how in the same breath I say that I can't believe it's been six months already, yet I also don't remember what life was like without you.
This last month has been a fun one.
You two are giggling and full on belly laughing now, and it is absolutely Heavenly. I could listen to it all day long.

You both also are "talking" more, and in general becoming more experimental with your voices.
As you continue to master your manual dexterity, you can often be found with your fingers all over each others faces =). In fact, if we lay you in Luke's crib to watch the mobile after a nap, the first thing you two do when you look at one another is reach for the other's binky and steal it!

You guys aren't the best sleepers in the world, but we still love you =).
You guys are going down for bed at night without any trouble - which is a blessing!! You both get up at least once during the night to nurse, Abbey usually somewhere around 12:30-1:30am, and Luke...well it varies. Sometimes it's 1:00am, sometimes it's not until 4:00am...and the other day you slept all the way until 5:30am!!! We thought we were finally on to something that night, but no such luck =). You both are early birds too, which I have no idea where you got that from, given your gene pool...your Daddy and I aren't really morning people! But we are learning =).
Naps are hit and miss, and it's getting ridiculous enough that there is talk in our house of instituting Napping BootCamp around here soon!

You both started solids this month, and it's just crazy to me to see you in your little eating chairs, opening your mouths for spoons...when did you get so big?



Lucas, my cuddly little boy, you have really been preferring your Momma lately! You like your Daddy just fine and the two of you have fun together, but you seem to be particularly attached to me right now. For instance, you won't let your Daddy feed you. At all. You burst into tears when he tries! And as soon as I take over, you stop crying. Even if I am standing right there next to him, you don't want to be fed by anyone but me. Silly boy! I tell Daddy not to let it hurt his feelings, because I know there will come a time as you grow up when you only want your Daddy. And I try and just soak up the fact that you want my attention and affection right now, because before I know it, you won't anymore...you'll grow up and you'll want the attention of some other girl in your life.
You are a good little eater (for me!), and have tried Avocado (mashed with breast milk), green beans, peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, pears, prunes and apples. You are off rice cereal on the recommendation of your doctor because it was giving you tummy troubles. You have worked your way up to eating one cube of fruit at lunch time, and two cubes of veggies at dinner time. You still nurse when you wake up in the morning, after naps, before bed, and in the middle of the night. Lately we have had some rough nursing days, which have just broken my heart! We changed to medium flow nipples on the bottles you get while I am at work, and I think you have just gotten spoiled by how easy that is? I don't know... Also, you get so distracted now, and you seem to need things to be quiet so you can focus better. You don't really like it when I tandem nurse you and Sis at the same time, because it means you are positioned funny. Also, you have been teething and it's just made you a little more fussier all around = (. HOPEFULLY this is just a phase because I really love nursing you, and hope to continue to do so for at least another six months.
You have been rolling over from back to front and front to back with no problems, although you really just prefer to be on your back. You can sit up assisted, and you seem to like to be up like that- like a big boy!
Your smile lights up your eyes, and whatever room you are in.
As I mentioned you have been teething lately, and you LOVE to put everything in your mouth! You like chewing on teethers that we have kept in the fridge too.
You go down for bed at night and for naps really easily, which we appreciate =), but you are not much of a napper. 30-45 minutes and you are good to go! Every once in awhile you surprise us and will sleep for over an hour or so, but pretty much once you go down for a nap we can expect to hear from you in about a half hour. I would think this isn't long "enough", but you wake up SO happy! We hear you talking in the monitor and go in there and you kick your legs and swing your arms and grin from ear to ear! The only problem is you can only tolerate about 2+ hours of wakefulness before you need to go down for a nap again, so this means you are taking like 5 naps a day. We are working on it =).
At night you get up once to eat, and sometimes you will wake up again and just need some comfort then usually will settle back in and go back to sleep. In the morning you get up anywhere between 5:00am-6:30am...usually right about 5:30am. Ugh. Good thing you are cute. =).
You LOVE bath time! You recently discovered splashing and you think it is the funnest. thing. ever. You go CRAZY in your little tub! I am usually soaked after I bathe you!
One of the neatest things about you this month is that you have started to "show off" for us. It's so fun to watch...you will catch our eye, and give us a look that says "are you watching me?" and then you will preform in some way...either give us a full body shimmy, or pick your legs up and whack them down really hard and fast, or growl at us,...and then you give us an expectant look that says "did you see that?! What'd you think??" It's so cute!!
Speaking of growling, you have really found your "yell" in the last few days. I am not talking about crying here, I mean exclaiming!! You will even through your hands up in the air and just GROWL sometimes! I usually growl back at you, and then we both laugh.
We just discovered yesterday that you are ticklish on your inner thigh...more laughs.
You had a check up at your orthopedist last week to see how your feet are doing, and you got a great report. Praise the Lord! Dr. A said your feet are looking really good, and you are cleared to only wear your braces when you sleep at night. We had been leaving them on until about 10:00am each day in order to get the required hours in, but they are looking so good he said that we can just take them off when you wake up - hooray! Daddy and I think you miss wearing them during the day a bit though, as you sure loved to pick your feet up, hold them suspended in the air for a second, and then SLAM them down with force. That act earned you the nickname Bam-Bam.
You are still just a gorgeous little boy, and every where we take you we get compliments on how beautiful you are and what amazing eyelashes you have.
You still have the most tender heart and such a sensitive spirit, and Daddy and I just love you sweet boy.




Abbeygirl, my delightful little daughter, you have really found your voice this month! You have started to chatter, and we just adore it! I call it "Abble Babble". You just lay there and say "Ah ba ba ba ba ba" all day long, it's so precious. You love it when we talk back to you too. You will be hanging out, just babbling away, and then we will repeat back to you what you just said, and you grin from ear to ear and start talking again.
You also crack yourself up, it's so funny! You will be just chatting away to no one in particular, and then you will giggle a bit, as if what you just said was too funny.
You still seem like such a little Peanut compared to your brother, and I am curious to see what you guys weigh at your appointment on Wednesday. You are growing for sure, but you are very long and lean.
You LOVE to look outside. You could sit still and stare out the windows for hours, it just fascinates you. You love to explore things with your hands, and feel the need to touch every part of the face of whomever is holding you =).
You are a pretty good eater, although you seem to have really sensitive taste buds. You make the funniest faces when you try a new food! And if you don't like what I am feeding you, stalemate. You just close your mouth and tighten your lips and stare at me as I try and put a spoon in. Not. gonna. happen.
(Where on earth could you have gotten that stubborn streak from?)
You have tried peas, green beans, sweet potatoes, pears, & apples. You LOVE pears. You have a cube of fruit at lunch and a bunch of rice cereal mixed with breast milk and about a cube of veggies at dinner.
You have been nursing great, even though you have gotten busier while you do it. You are often flailing your arm around wildly or grabbing your toes and moving your leg up and down while you nurse. One of my favorite things in the world is to catch your eye while you are nursing and smile at you, and have you give me a half smile back...melts me.
You are pretty independent, and don't mind playing by yourself for decent periods of time. One of your favorite things to do is lay alone in your crib and watch your little aquarium Aunite Nessa got you.
Your two favorite things are standing and your feet. You LOVE to stand, and you are really good at it! Tonight Daddy just held on to your hands and you stood for minutes. You loved it. You also are obsessed with your feet. It's made diaper changes a little challenging =). Daddy and I have a running joke, because you will often be laying there and just stick a foot out at us, toes pointed like a ballerina or something, and just leave it there, staring at us, as if to say "um, have you seen my foot? It's great, isn't it?"
You go to bed at night and down for naps pretty well, thank you! =) You are a pretty good napper too. You sleep anywhere from 45mins to an hour and a half. You are the same as your brother, about two hours of awake time and you are ready to go down for a nap. Although this does seem to be stretching longer these days before you show us tired signs. At night you usually get up to eat anywhere between 12:30-1:30am, and sometimes you go back down without any problems, sometimes you are wide awake and think it's play time. Those nights it takes Daddy and I each a few trips into your room to give you your binky back and pat your back to help you settle in. Also, you will sometimes cry out in the middle of the night because you have flipped over and can't seem to get yourself flipped back. You are a tummy sleeper, and we will hear you and go in and find you laying on your back, looking like a turtle stuck on it's back...arms and legs just flailing about helplessly. Usually we just flip you back over and you settle back in. We hope that this little "trick" will phase out as you get more and more comfortable rolling back and forth, and are able to pull your arm out from under you (sometimes it gets stuck!). You usually wake up anywhere between 5:30-7:00am. Once you slept until 7:30am.
You are showing some signs of teething, but nothing too serious. You have the most adorable gummy smile I have ever seen! Your whole face smiles when your mouth does Babygirl, and it's contagious.
You LOVE the exersaucer. Love it. You go nuts in there! You bounce up and down and throw yourself back as you jump...you're a wild woman in that thing!
When you get your feelings hurt, like if I walk into the room around when you are ready to nurse and we meet eyes and smile at each other, and then I walk passed you to get something real quick, or when someone scares you or something, it is the saddest thing on the planet. It just rips my heart out to see yours get broken. Your pretty little face just crumbles into wrinkles and tears, and that little cry is just so sad!
You are such a sweet little girl, so petite and soft and just precious. Your Daddy and I just love you sweet girl.


Happy six months, sweet babies...my how you've grown...



You are SO loved.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Saturday, September 25, 2010

That darn candle...

...it's burning at both ends again! And yet I am blogging?? I know, I know...that would seem contradictory. If I am "so busy", then how is it I have time to blog?

The truth is, I really don't, but I am making time. I have so much in my head that needs to come out so I can clear some space.

This week has been a stressful one, and my mind feels a jumbled mess.

Lately I feel like I can't find my footing, and I am always one or two or twelve steps behind where I need to be.



Lately I have not been getting enough sleep.



The past 2 weeks have involved me chatting with one too many first time moms who are shocked to hear my babies still aren't sleeping through the night, because their babies "magically fell" into a perfectly predictable routine that included sleeping 10-12 hours at night around 3 months.

Good for them. (no, I am not jealous at all, why do you ask?)



This past week has involved us trying to keep our babies up just a little later each night. Why you ask? Well because their Momma is an idiot. Earlier last week I noticed our calendar said "Daylight Savings time ends" this Sunday. So, we had been trying to keep them up just a little later each night in preparation of this hour gain in an attempt to avoid them waking up for the day at 4:30am. It's been a less than fun experiment. Then on Thursday Dave and I were talking about how it seemed like it was early this year to be doing this, and again I checked the calendar. That's when I noticed that next to the note about Daylight Savings, it also had the initials "NZ". New Zealand. It's Daylight Savings time in New Zealand. It's not in the US until November. Shoulda given that calendar a second glance the first time. Lesson learned.



This week has included a trip to the pediatrician for Luke because I was just sure he had an ear infection. He had all the symptoms - extremely fussy, runny nose, really poor nursing...according to WebMD it was either an ear infection or lead poisoning.

Turns out it was neither.

According to my beloved pediatrician, Luke has just a cold, is teething, and is perhaps on a bit of a nursing strike...grrr... I have worked SO hard to nurse these babies, the idea of fighting through a strike just exhausts me...but I am going to.
Dr. M also suggested that perhaps my sweet, loving, cuddly, incredibly tolerant little boy was perhaps just experiencing a temperament change.

Um, that's not really going to work for me.

I would like one RX for my sweet easy going boy back please.

Stat.



What is so unsettling about this feeling over being overwhelmed lately is that this week I cut back my hours at work, ya know, to give me more time.
I cut back from working 20 hours - 5 days a week, 4 hours a day, to working 15 hours - 3 days a week, 5 hours a day.
This all came a few weeks ago on one of those days where I had spent the entire morning getting me and Luke and Abbey changed, fed, dressed, and out the door to a baby shower (no small feat), then rushed back home to nurse them and change for work and practically toss them into my sister Natalie's open arms and then dash off to work...only to arrive 12 minutes late.
When I got home, we fed the babies, bathed them, and they went to bed.
I felt like I had barely seen them all day.
I felt like I was giving everything only part of me.
I told the Lord that day that I wished in my heart I could be home more, and that I didn't know how that was possible, but that I was laying my request at His feet and asking Him to do with it what He willed.

The very next day David got an email about a new job.

Short story long, we prayed about it and took a giant leap of faith.

He took the new job, and I told my boss I needed to cut back.

The faith part is trusting that God will continue to provide for us... the way He always has in the past. This change meant that I would no longer be eligible for benefits at my work, so David and I need to find a private insurance for the two of us (the babies are still fully covered).

Any tips on cheap, great health insurance plans are most welcome.

(I feel like I may as well have just said "anyone who wants to show me a pot of gold, a unicorn, and BigFoot, please go ahead")

This new teaching position at a local college for David is also a term-by-term agreement based on enrollment. The classes he is teaching have always had great enrollment in the past, so we have good reason to believe it will be stable income...but it's still a risk. But ultimately, what job isn't these days?


So that's what in my head. Feels good to get it out. Now I will just focus taking each day at a time. I will try and start my day off by making time to read my Bible, just like I make time to shower or drink a cup of coffee. I will research health insurance and pray for wisdom to select a good plan. I will try and not let my messy house bother me. I will quit trying to keep my babies up past their natural bedtime (at least until November). I will try and get to bed earlier myself. I will try and avoid conversations with mothers who make caring for infants sound like the easiest job in the world. I will try and remind myself that most of the time, I really am doing the best I can.


And I will continue to make time to blog, because it is really therapeutic sometimes.

And as Beth_Moore said, blogs are for the honest, not the proud.

Just keepin' it real.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Since I had two people today (my sister Amanda who lives in another state and misses her niece and nephew, and my husband, who doesn't really read my blog, but does pull it up when he gets a new class to show off pictures of his adorable babies) mention my lack of pictures on the blog lately, I thought I would hop on here tonight and post some real quick.


My loves...

Baby girl LOVES the exersaucer!


"Abbey in Space"


Dinner time! (First time in our feeding seats!)


Yup, still loves it in there!


Our first family swim. Or attempted family swim really. The water was FREEZING and I only Daddy actually got in. Luke and Mommy put a toe in.


But thanks Auntie Natalie for inviting us over and giving Abbey Mae a chance to wear her adorable swimsuit and cover up!


Pretty sure Luke is crying in this picture, as his poor little toes were just stuck in ice water.



Our inaugural run in the new double jogger that Mommy is borrowing.



Got some teething going on in this house...=(



Luke is loving the swing lately!



Daddy and his baby girl




That'll have to to for now. It's 7:45pm and I have 2 loads of laundry to do, a bathroom to clean, dinner leftovers to put away, and emails to catch up on. Oh, and I have to get to bed before midnight....cauz Abbey's gonna wake me at 12:30ish.

'Night all!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Still alive

Hey all, thanks for all your sweet comments, emails, and texts. We are still alive here and Momma finally found a free moment to catch up on some blogging (but sadly, still very behind on blogreading. There seems to be just barely enough time for me to blog myself, and rarely time for me to catch up on blogs...I miss reading and keeping up with so many of you...=( ) I am trying to remind myself that it's just not my Season to have a lot of free time. Someday, many years from now, the kids will be grown and out of the house, and I will have free time galore. But I try not to ever let myself long for those days -even for a moment- and instead try to always remain fully present in today...for I know that if I spend too much time now longing for that time, once I get there, I will only find myself longing for this time in my life and wishing I had enjoyed it more.

Did ya follow that?

Anyways...


It's so nice to all be feeling better around here lately. The babies still have runny noses, but I am wondering if that's more teething related...(no little white buds poking through just yet, but I have a feeling any day now). Having the whole family sick was...brutal. Not since the babies were first home from the hospital have I felt so stretched beyond my ability to give. Last Thursday morning after David left for work, after an awful nights sleep, and after Luke woke up from his twenty minute nap right as my head hit the pillow in hopes for a nap of my own, I just burst into tears. It just felt too. hard.

But we made it.

While we are over our colds though, it seems we've been trading one ailment for another around here over the last two weeks. This last week included a scratched cornea (mine) and a spasming back (David's).

Tuesday morning I leaned down under the Baby Enistien playmat's dangling toys to give my son a zerbert on his belly. In the process I raked my open eyeball on one of the fuzzy squirrels we have hanging from there. It hurt, but not too bad. That day it just seemed to water like crazy, which was a strange sensation. Then Tuesday night I went to sleep, and when Abbey woke me to eat at 12:30am I opened my eye and found it to be extremely painful. I couldn't believe how bad it hurt. I nursed Abbey, put her back in her crib, and then proceeded to lay awake for the next 2 hours in pain. I finally dug in my nightstand drawer for some left over pain meds from my c-section. That awarded me some sleep. In the morning I sat and watched the clock turn to 7:00am so I could be the first to call my doctors office when they opened. They gave me a 7:30am appointment time. My eye was bright red, my eyelid was ridiculously swollen, and I was in still in a significant amount of pain. So much so that when David asked if he should drive me to my appointment, I told him no, that I didn't want to pack up the babies because I had no idea how long this would take...in the back of my mind I seriously believed there could be a trip to the operating room in my future.

I saw my doctor who examined me and said she "didn't like what she saw" and promptly walked me across the hall where an Eye Clinic was blessedly located. She got me right in there, and after an exam I was officially diagnosed with a "corneal abrasion".

Do you know what you do for a corneal abrasion? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He gave me some antibiotic eyedrops to keep an infection out since I not only had a scratch but a "flap" on my eyeball. Then I was told in 24-48 hours I would be feeling better. I was seriously stunned that something so painful could have no better cure. I think my doctor sensed my shock because she gave me an RX for pain meds =). I was also told I needed to keep my eye shaded from light to avoid blinking too much. I was offered a patch or the option of wearing my sunglasses all day. I opted for the latter, which earned me the nickname of "Hollywood" at work that day.
Fun times.

Then this morning while reaching to remove the cat from the window sill, David threw out his back. Seriously. The poor guy is honestly in good shape and naturally athletic, but he has a bad back. Carting around two almost-6-month-olds hasn't really given it any breaks lately, and I don't see many in his future either.



This week did include some fun stuff as well, like my littlest sister Emily coming over for a night and honoring us by sharing all about her recent month long mission trip to Russia. I am immensely proud of her, and it was so neat to hear all about her experience.

And last night after the babies went to bed, David and I ignored the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the dryer, and ordered a pizza for dinner and sat together and watched this movie...
...which I really liked.


And with that, I better end this rambling blog entry and finish my ice cream (the diet is going well, thanks for asking) and head to bed. Tomorrow is a busy day. It'll be Luke & Abbey's first day in the nursery! We have always just kept them in the service with us, but now they are getting too chatty for that =). I can't believe they are big enough to go down to the nursery. It's going to be so weird to sit in Church without a baby on my lap! Then we have our first small group meeting tomorrow evening. Our Church does small group once a week during the fall/winter/spring, and it's starting back up again. This will be the first time Dave and I have attended, and we are really looking forward to it. For the most part. If I am being totally honest I will say that I am a little nervous it's going to throw off bedtime and make for an awful night. The babies usually eat "dinner" (cereal for Ab's, solid's for Luke) around 6pm, then bath time around 6:30, then lotion & jammies and nurse around 7:00pm, and off to bed between 7:15 and 7:30pm. Small group starts at 5:00 and goes until 6:30pm, then we will still have to drive home. We are going to feed the babies before we leave, and then just skip bath tomorrow night. I have spent more time worrying about how this is going to throw us off than is necessary, I am sure. But hey it's an occupational hazard. =).

'Night all!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sick =(

All of us.

Labor Day weekend we traveled to Salem to hang out with family, and we had SO much fun! The weekend was filled with lots of laughter and just some good quality time with loved ones. (Pics to follow in a later post) The only downside to the trip was our babies slept terribly during the nights. Up every 2 hours, if not every hour. Dave and I chalked it up to being in a new environment, over stimulation, and possible teething.

And David got sick Sunday evening. He's come down with a nasty sore throat and cold.

We got home Monday afternoon, and the babies had a rough time going down for their nap. They went down to sleep at bed time just fine, so we assumed that whatever was going on had worked itself out. But then proceeded to wake up every 45 minutes to hour and a half. Not fun. They would wake up and just not be able to settle themselves and even had a hard time with us trying to settle them. All this while David just continues to feel worse and worse. Yesterday morning he had to go teach, and when he got home he tried to take a short nap, but basically coughed through the whole thing. Poor guy. And Luke and Abbey were just fussier than usual and really clingy. Still not sure if they are working on teething, if they don't feel well, or both. My work was short staffed already yesterday, so I really needed to go in. My wonderful father in law came to the rescue and drove up here to give David an extra set of hands yesterday afternoon. Thank you Papa Bruce! =)

We were hopeful for a better nights rest last night, but no such luck. They both went down at their usual time easily, but then Abbey was back up at 10:45pm, Luke at 12:30am, and both at 2:30am, Luke at 3:45am, and Luke again at 4:30am...at that time I just got him up and brought him out to the couch. He slept fitfully on my chest off and on until about 6:15am when he finally started to settle in...and just as I was walking him down the hall to the nursery to lay him back in his crib, Abbey woke up.

At that point, I gave up the idea of more sleep and started the coffee. It became apparent the babies were going to once again be on complete opposite schedules today and simultaneous nap time was not something to hope for.

They both have been sneezing a lot and Ab's has a runny nose. They both have a touch of a dry cough too. Once in awhile they sound a little rattly, but that seems to pass quickly, thank goodness. We have the humidifier going in their room, so hopefully that will help. I am trying to make sure they stay properly hydrated, and have been nursing them each like crazy.

Did you know that when a nursing mother becomes ill, antibodies for the very illness she comes down with will be created in her breastmilk to help the babies fight that illness in themselves??

I find that Fascinating.



I started with what's now a wicked sore throat somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, and have been sneezing like it's my new career. I called in sick, as going into work this afternoon sounded not only like pure torture since I don't feel well and am sleep deprived, but a nursing mother is not quickly parted from her ill babes, and my family comes first. (Calling in sick the day after I informed my Director of Operations that I need to reduce my hours even more -a post for another time- should really put me in the running for employee of the year...oh well).

And with that, I leave you all to go OJ it up and care for my family and myself. With my sister Natalie coming over this afternoon to be another set of hands, hopefully there is a nice, long, hot shower in my future =)




Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thoughts on Mothering...

Just the other weekend I found myself bitten by an old issue I'd thought I'd long since buried.

I found myself wondering if it had ever really been buried, and was attempting to resurrect, or perhaps I had never truly laid it to rest.

Either way, there it was, in the forefront of my mind again.

Years and years ago, I was dealt a blow to my self-esteem that in turn effected multiple areas of my life and relationships.

It wasn't an Earth-crushing event by any means, just a situation and some honesty that broke my heart and really hurt my pride.


Anyways, whenever this issue revisits me, I struggle for a bit. I struggle with who I am, what I am worth. I question how real others love for me truly is, all because I question if I am really that lovable.

This time, when it came creeping into my day, and questioning thoughts into my mind, something different happened...

I began to pray about it, as I have in the past, but this time the Lord had something new in His arsenal that He never had before to get through to me.

I heard the Lord clearly ask me, "what would you want for Abigail if she were struggling with this?"

Lord, I would want her to know that all that really matters is who she is in You. I would want her to find her self-confidence -her self-worth- in being one of Your Children. I would tell her not to let something so trivial effect how she feels about herself, because she is so precious in Your Eyes, and that is far more important than what anyone here on Earth thinks about her or has thought about her.


"That is what you would want for your daughter?"


Yes Lord, without a doubt.


"That is what I want for my daughter too"



And there I sat, stunned.

I had suddenly been given such a beautiful gift. I had been given just a glimpse at how much God must love me. Just thinking about how much I love my children...how I would do anything for them...how very much I want them to know they are adored...how special they are to me...and knowing in that same breath that the Creator of the Heavens loves me even more.


I also felt a new sense of responsibility. I am raising a daughter. She will look up to me. (for a few years at least... I will probably embarrass her, anger her and just plain annoy her during the teenage years). Yes I know I am raising a son too, and I don't mean to leave Lucas out, but for some reason in regards to bringing up a daughter, I feel more pressure. Perhaps it is the common theory that the same-sex parent relationship is the most influential one. Being a girl, a woman, is hard. And I do know without a doubt that I am called to set an example. She will be looking to me to see how to be a Godly wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister. She will be looking to me to be a Godly woman.

I know this is something I need not feel too overwhelmed by, because if I ask Him, He will help me. He will guide me.


I want to set a good example for my daughter. I want her to see a woman who is rarely -if ever- plagued by wondering if other women are "better" than she is. A woman who needn't worry if someone is measuring her up to another, and determining she is falling short, because she knows who she is in Christ, and her security lies there.


I want to be a woman my daughter looks up to...