The flannel board Jesus

Many of you remember Him, the flannel board Jesus. Probably most of you who grew up attending children's Sunday school classes, or Vacation Bible Schools.

He was poised on the flannel board, arms outstretched, loving look on His face, and the teacher would point to Him and tell you all about how He loves you and you pray to Him and He makes it better.

It's not that I have any ill-will towards the Sunday School teachers, I get it. It makes sense to explain things that way to a child. You ask Jesus into your heart, and He lives there...that's tricky enough to wrap your mind around. Now add in living for Jesus, turning your life over to Him...it gets complicated. Also, how do you explain to a child that often the Lord allows you to hurt? He will comfort you, sure, but He could stop it with the blink of an eye...and yet He doesn't. How do you begin to explain that even when He allows pain, you just have to trust that He will bring good from it?


I met a man in the grocery store the other day who asked me how long I had been a Christian. I told him that I had been one my whole life. He seemed surprised at that, so I explained that I had been blessed to be raised in a Christian home, and grew up knowing about Jesus. I told him how I had given my heart to Him when I was much younger, but also -and just as important- have chosen to follow Him as an adult. Some people call it "re-dedication", some "sanctification", or something along those lines. The process of choosing to live your adult life for Christ, with Him. It's very different as an adult....or at least it has been for me.

As a child, living for Jesus meant believing I was going to Heaven, trying to be nice to people and abide by the golden rule of treating people the way I would want to be treated, and asking for forgiveness when I sinned. Those things still hold true as an adult, but it gets more complicated. As a child I think it's much easier to trust that the Lord "knows the plans He has for me". As a grown-up, I am in charge of a lot more planning, and have more responsibility. I have to make weightier decisions. I have to seek more wisdom. I have a lot more to turn over to Him.

And sometimes, Jesus doesn't just step in and make it all better.


Our first appointment with the specialist went well, and we are grateful for that. He is running some minor testing, and we have a follow up appointment next month. Although I have peace about the steps we are taking, I also have just general angst about the whole process.

I hate it.

Even though we are just at the very beginning of all our options, it also means that the end of them is now in sight. If I am honest, that might be part of what kept me away from a specialist for so long...I didn't want the end to be in sight. There are steps we can't afford to take, and steps that the Lord has not released us to take. So the space between here and the "end" of our options, seems to be diminishing rapidly. And it terrifies me.

I don't want it to. I don't want to be afraid. I know there is no use in borrowing trouble from the future. I want to trust that He has me in His hands, and in my head I know that He does. And most the time I know it in my heart too...but I have had so many moments lately where my heart is just... disappointed. Disappointed that the flannel board Jesus didn't just swoop in and make it all better. It's frustrating and it hurts, because I know He can.

And because He is not, I have to trust that there is a greater purpose. I know He loves me. I trust He has a plan for my life. It's just that I am worried about how painful that plan is going to be.

The "What if's" can suffocate you, can't they?

I think that's all part of the grown-up living for Christ. It's a little more complicated than when I was a child, but the truth is it's also so much more rewarding.

There is a deeper connection with Him now then when I was younger. My faith has matured. Those are divine benefits of having an adult relationship with Christ.

But that doesn't mean there aren't moments where I struggle, and feel a hunger for a faith that assures. Moments where I cry out for Him to just fix it for me, because the learning and stretching and growing and trusting is just too hard.


I realized today that I should have told the man at the grocery store something more. Yes, I asked Jesus into my heart as a child, and yes, I rededicated my life to Him as an adult... but it doesn't stop there. It never stops. It is a daily -sometimes hourly- choice.

I choose to believe.

I choose to trust.

I choose to have hope.

Lord I believe-Help my unbelief!!