Just the other weekend I found myself bitten by an old issue I'd thought I'd long since buried.
I found myself wondering if it had ever really been buried, and was attempting to resurrect, or perhaps I had never truly laid it to rest.
Either way, there it was, in the forefront of my mind again.
Years and years ago, I was dealt a blow to my self-esteem that in turn effected multiple areas of my life and relationships.
It wasn't an Earth-crushing event by any means, just a situation and some honesty that broke my heart and really hurt my pride.
Anyways, whenever this issue revisits me, I struggle for a bit. I struggle with who I am, what I am worth. I question how real others love for me truly is, all because I question if I am really that lovable.
This time, when it came creeping into my day, and questioning thoughts into my mind, something different happened...
I began to pray about it, as I have in the past, but this time the Lord had something new in His arsenal that He never had before to get through to me.
I heard the Lord clearly ask me, "what would you want for Abigail if she were struggling with this?"
Lord, I would want her to know that all that really matters is who she is in You. I would want her to find her self-confidence -her self-worth- in being one of Your Children. I would tell her not to let something so trivial effect how she feels about herself, because she is so precious in Your Eyes, and that is far more important than what anyone here on Earth thinks about her or has thought about her.
"That is what you would want for your daughter?"
Yes Lord, without a doubt.
"That is what I want for my daughter too"
And there I sat, stunned.
I had suddenly been given such a beautiful gift. I had been given just a glimpse at how much God must love me. Just thinking about how much I love my children...how I would do anything for them...how very much I want them to know they are adored...how special they are to me...and knowing in that same breath that the Creator of the Heavens loves me even more.
I also felt a new sense of responsibility. I am raising a daughter. She will look up to me. (for a few years at least... I will probably embarrass her, anger her and just plain annoy her during the teenage years). Yes I know I am raising a son too, and I don't mean to leave Lucas out, but for some reason in regards to bringing up a daughter, I feel more pressure. Perhaps it is the common theory that the same-sex parent relationship is the most influential one. Being a girl, a woman, is hard. And I do know without a doubt that I am called to set an example. She will be looking to me to see how to be a Godly wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister. She will be looking to me to be a Godly woman.
I know this is something I need not feel too overwhelmed by, because if I ask Him, He will help me. He will guide me.
I want to set a good example for my daughter. I want her to see a woman who is rarely -if ever- plagued by wondering if other women are "better" than she is. A woman who needn't worry if someone is measuring her up to another, and determining she is falling short, because she knows who she is in Christ, and her security lies there.
I want to be a woman my daughter looks up to...
I found myself wondering if it had ever really been buried, and was attempting to resurrect, or perhaps I had never truly laid it to rest.
Either way, there it was, in the forefront of my mind again.
Years and years ago, I was dealt a blow to my self-esteem that in turn effected multiple areas of my life and relationships.
It wasn't an Earth-crushing event by any means, just a situation and some honesty that broke my heart and really hurt my pride.
Anyways, whenever this issue revisits me, I struggle for a bit. I struggle with who I am, what I am worth. I question how real others love for me truly is, all because I question if I am really that lovable.
This time, when it came creeping into my day, and questioning thoughts into my mind, something different happened...
I began to pray about it, as I have in the past, but this time the Lord had something new in His arsenal that He never had before to get through to me.
I heard the Lord clearly ask me, "what would you want for Abigail if she were struggling with this?"
Lord, I would want her to know that all that really matters is who she is in You. I would want her to find her self-confidence -her self-worth- in being one of Your Children. I would tell her not to let something so trivial effect how she feels about herself, because she is so precious in Your Eyes, and that is far more important than what anyone here on Earth thinks about her or has thought about her.
"That is what you would want for your daughter?"
Yes Lord, without a doubt.
"That is what I want for my daughter too"
And there I sat, stunned.
I had suddenly been given such a beautiful gift. I had been given just a glimpse at how much God must love me. Just thinking about how much I love my children...how I would do anything for them...how very much I want them to know they are adored...how special they are to me...and knowing in that same breath that the Creator of the Heavens loves me even more.
I also felt a new sense of responsibility. I am raising a daughter. She will look up to me. (for a few years at least... I will probably embarrass her, anger her and just plain annoy her during the teenage years). Yes I know I am raising a son too, and I don't mean to leave Lucas out, but for some reason in regards to bringing up a daughter, I feel more pressure. Perhaps it is the common theory that the same-sex parent relationship is the most influential one. Being a girl, a woman, is hard. And I do know without a doubt that I am called to set an example. She will be looking to me to see how to be a Godly wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister. She will be looking to me to be a Godly woman.
I know this is something I need not feel too overwhelmed by, because if I ask Him, He will help me. He will guide me.
I want to set a good example for my daughter. I want her to see a woman who is rarely -if ever- plagued by wondering if other women are "better" than she is. A woman who needn't worry if someone is measuring her up to another, and determining she is falling short, because she knows who she is in Christ, and her security lies there.
I want to be a woman my daughter looks up to...
10 comments:
Wow... very powerful... as is the author. Kendra you have so much to offer, teach, share, and give not only to your daughter, son and husband but to those that are lucky enough to know you. Don't ever doubt who you are and why you are here... :) Hugs from down South!
So precious. Don't you hear the Lord all the time when you look at your children? It amazes me, and I'm so thankful for my babies for a million trillion reasons, but I don't know if what the Lord has been saying to me has ever made as much sense to me as it does when He relates it to my boys. I wouldn't take anything in the world for it.
this is probably one of my favorite posts you've ever written. i love you. (and for what it's worth: i look up to you, also).
I love the picture, and I think you will be an excellent example for Abigail. No doubt.
I had a moment like this once, too, when Asher was about five months old.
I can't remember why now, but at the time I was questioning why God would care about my petty concerns, in the face of so many big problems in the world. I felt pretty unimportant.
We were traveling to Nashville, and Asher was about five months old, and was having trouble sleeping away from home. It was about 2 in the morning when I finally put him in bed with me (something that has never been our habit, though as they get older I wish we had done it a little more =), and he instantly fell asleep on me. I lay in bed, watching him sleep, and suddenly God spoke to me very clearly - He brought to mind Psalm 139, and how intimately God knows us. Then I heard, "It is My Pleasure to care for you, in all of your daily needs, just as it is your pleasure to pay such careful attention to your baby's needs." I've never forgotten it.
One of the great blessings of parenthood - that you can never predict, I don't think - is the new dimension it adds to our understanding of God's relationship to us. We take such delight in these little helpless beings, and the role of a Father is one of the fundamental relationships of God to us. Beautiful.
This is just beautiful, Kendra!!! your children are lucky to have you!!!! :)
Such a beautiful post, and SO, SO true--every word of it. I have these same thoughts as I think about raising two daughters. I want them to be confident and self-assured because they are a daughter of the King. I pray constantly that I will show them that in the way I live my life, and that the scars of my past experiences will not get in the way of teaching them to love themselves, because Christ paid the ultimate price for them, and THAT makes them precious.
Thank you for sharing this!
Oh, I hear you, loud and clear!
Well, said. It's a great responsibility for a parent to make sure their kids know who they are in a loving, positive, faithful, uplifting and truthful way... always.
That responsibility is helpful and clarifying in our lives. I've often had murky thoughts on complicated issues become crystal clear to me as soon as I ask myself, "What would you tell your children?" Oh yeah.
It's so wonderful to watch your children as parents, good parents.
LOVE,
GRAND DAD
this is amazing. and I'm with natalie; I REALLY look up to you.
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