The Case of the Missing Cell Phone

I come home from the gym in a panic. I can not find my cell phone!! I know I had it in the car on the way to the gym, because I remember checking to see if Gina had replied to my text about Step class tonight....

No reply...she must be bailing. Oh well, I decide, I will go burn calories by myself. As I am walking into the gym I shove my keys in the back pocket of my mammoth purse, and take note of the fact that my cell phone is not in there. Huh, I think to myself. It must be in a different pocket, or on the seat of my car. But, I am running late (as usual) and don't have time to search for it now.
I huff and puff my way through class -silently cursing myself for eating so much over the last 4 days-, and upon returning to my car, search for my beloved cell phone. I can not find it anywhere....but I will be able to see better in my well lit garage I decide, and head home. Once home, and in the above-mentioned -well-lit-garage, I begin to dig around my car. Hmmmm.....not finding the phone. I go inside the house, get the cordless phone, bring it out to the garage, and try calling my cell. Nothing. No noise whatsoever. I then decide I must have dropped it on my way from my car to the gym. I hop in my car and drive back to the gym. I look all around the street where I parked. Nothing. I trace my steps back into the building. Nothing. I ask the lady at the front desk if anyone has turned in a phone. Nope.
Hmmm.....
Back out to my car. I drive back home and at this point, I am thoroughly confused. Where could it be?!?!
Once home I dump out the entire contents of my purse on the living room floor. No cell phone. I check the car again, this time with a flash light. Not only do I once again not find my phone, I manage to stand up too quickly and bang my head on the roof of my car. Awesome. Now I am in a really good mood.
I come back inside and review the situation with David. We are both stumped. He makes me replay my night for him, step by step, to reveal any possible leads.
Nothing.
We decide before I call Verizon to have my service suspended, he should check the car. Not that he's doubting my sleuthing capabilities, he assures me, but just to have a fresh set of eyes...
He returns empty handed.
As a last ditch effort I call my friend Gina, who lives across the street from the gym (and yet still didn't manage to make it to class there tonight), to see if she will run out and just look one more time.
Gina, being the great friend that she is, goes outside in the rain and searches from my missing phone. Nada. She goes inside and asks if anybody has turned in a phone...
Surprise!!!!
Nope, no one has.
After weighing all the evidence and upon further discussion, it is deduced that my phone was most likely dropped, and then stolen.
Crap.
You see, the trickiest part of this whole scenario is that it's not even really my phone. I mean, it kind of is. I am on a family plan with a family I used to nanny for 4 years ago. They brought me on while I was watching their kids because it just made sense at the time. And then it just worked out for us to continue this way even after I changed jobs. I simply mail them a check every month and all is golden.
Until now.
I attempt to call Verizon and get the phone frozen. My attempt is in vain as I am not a signer on the account, nor can I give them the last 4 digits of the signers social security number.
AND, to make me look really responsible and legit, I can't even call the family whose plan it is. Why you ask? Because all their numbers are safely stored in my cell phone.
I barter with the Verizon customer service rep, and finally convince him to call the signer on the account, and have them authorize the freeze.
He does this and they of course agree as they really don't want the villain who stole the phone using it to call Guam all night long.
The rep tells me I can purchase a new phone and just have the signer agree to activate it and all will be well.
I decide after this whole ordeal that I need a nice hot bath to relax. Well, that and I seriously stunk from sweating like a heifer in a hot tub at Step class.

While soaking in the tub, I reflect on the evening... this is all so curious, I think to myself. Where on earth could my phone have gone!?!? I thought about emailing Jenna to see if she thought maybe it ran away with her iron ....

I replay the evening one last time...but this time I back up a little further...all the way back to when I stopped at the post office after work...
...yes, there I am, walking into the post office, talking on my phone to a coworker... and then I hang up my phone quickly as it is my turn in line and I think it's so rude to be on your phone in line somewhere...yes...hung up my phone quickly....
Oh. Snap.
It occurs to me in this moment that there is a slight chance that my cell phone is in the pocket of my pea coat that I wore to work today, which is hanging in my closet.

At this point, I am both slightly hopeful that it is in fact in there, as then the mystery would be solved and I would have my beloved cell phone back...but then also slightly hopeful that it is not in there, as that would mean I disrupted the lives of about 9 people tonight for no reason at all...
I finally get up the nerve to go check...












And there it is....in all it's glory.
With 11 missed calls on it.


I am so playing the blond card. I don't pull it out often, but desperate times call for desperate measures.