Be Still

As anyone who knows me can testify, I am not very good about being still. Nor is the ability to be silent an asset of mine. My dad would often say when I was growing up that if I was awake, my mouth was moving=-). I am chatty. I talk a lot. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but...it does make it difficult to listen sometimes. I have written before about how I am great about telling God what I want, but not so great at stopping, quieting myself - my soul- and asking Him what He has to say.
Lately I seem to be having great difficulty hearing Him. Or really settling down at all for that matter. My heart is still heavy. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day, days in the week, etc. I feel like I can not focus, and when I try and have quiet time, often I hear...static.
The other night I even fell asleep while kneeling by my bed to pray. David found me and the following conversation ensued:
"Babe, are you sleeping?" He inquires gently.
"Huh? What? No...no, I was praying" I respond semi-coherently.
"Are you sure? I think you were asleep..." He tries again.
"Nope, not me. I was deep in prayer!" I say confidently, even though I am beginning to doubt...
"Is that drool?"
Busted.

I have got to get back on track. I seem to be overwhelmed with life lately, and I really can't put my finger on why. I just feel overstimulated, which leads to frustration and impatience.
I am currently in the middle of Beth Moore's "When Godly People Do UnGodly Things", and she talks about giving God a chance to "fill us", giving Him a fair shot at competing with all that vies for our attention. Or rather, all that we let vie for our attention. She says "If you haven't already surrendered to the pursuit of loving God with our whole mind and trusting Him to sanctify your thoughts, why not start now? You will be freer and more contented than you've ever been in your life!" She goes on to quote Philippians 4:8 "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -think about such things".
This all intrigued me, and when we had our discussion about it the other week, one of the ladies suggested a "media fast". She said she herself had done one awhile back for an entire month.
Oh my goodness, an entire month?!? Surely this wasn't for me...
...but she did say it was an incredible, eye-opening experience...

So I was on the fence about this whole media fast thing, and then the other day I received an email from my sister Amanda with a story about my cutie-pie niece Cadence. They had been at an occupational therapy appointment, and the therapist had Amanda put Cadence's feet in rice. Amanda said Cadence freaked out at this new sensation and simply couldn't handle it. It totally overstimulated her.
While reading this email, I had a picture of my adorable (albeit sassy) niece, her face red and twisted in frustration and discomfort, and making a shrill noise as she cried out from the over stimulation.
It was then I felt God whisper "that is just like you..."

And I felt like it all became clear. I know what needs to be done to clear my mind, to renew my soul. I need to let Him be the only thing vying for my attention.
(Luckily I only feel led to try this out for a week or so, not a whole month just yet... Whew!!! =-) )
So begins a short bloggy break for me...that means my posting and my reading all your wonderful words too. But I will catch up on all your words soon enough!
And instead of filling my downtime by flipping through the vast TV channels, I will be flipping through my Bible and letting God's Word sanctify me through and through. I am actually quite excited to try this experiment out! I long to let Him restore onto me the joy of my salvation, and renew a right spirit within me.
See you in a few days =-)
Blessings,
kendra