A heavy heart

Today, my heart is so very heavy. My blog friend Adrienne (Our Journey of Love) is going through a terrible time right now, and I literally feel ill over it. I "met" Adrienne this summer, and we talked several times after she experienced her 5th - yes fifth- miscarriage. She has one of the sweetest spirits you will ever see. She and her husband Jim adopted their son Owen from Russia over a year ago, and they are just phenomenal parents to him. After that last miscarriage, they felt led to begin the adoption process again, and quickly were led to a baby girl to be born this month.
For months now I have followed her journey as they prepare to meet this precious baby and bring her home as their daughter. Sweet baby girl was born on Friday, and all appeared to be going as planned.
Then yesterday I checked her blog to see if she had posted pictures yet, and instead saw a post titled "please pray". The birth mother had started to have second thoughts.
My heart fell to the floor.
Ever since I saw that yesterday afternoon, I have felt reverent for all that is going on. I feel constantly led to pray...yet I could not find the words. I felt in same position as Stephanie (Across the Gypsy Flat Road), only able to say things like "God, please" or "Lord...no...".
Until today. When I saw Adrienne post this morning that the birth mother needed more time and had decided to take the baby home with her, the words came flooding out of me...

"God WHY? Why would you allow this? WHY? I simply can not understand...Why would you allow her to finally let her guard down, allow her to finally let herself get excited and believe this was going to happen, only to allow her dreams to be crushed??? Don't you know?? This poor woman has been through enough, and she has trusted you through it all! How could you be allowing this?!? How could you allow her to loose another baby?? Lord, this can't be right!!! Lord you can not let her go home to an empty nursery!! Lord NO!!!!!"

Too many questions, not enough answers...
Until now.
All He had to say in response was,

"I Am."

That was all.
But I am humble enough to recognize that in those two words, there is great power.
For the Bible says, "I Am..."
The way, the truth, and the life.
The King of Kings.
The Lord of Lords.
The light of the world.
The bread that gives life.
The true vine.
The Alpha and Omega.
Gracious.
Merciful.
The good shepherd.
Thy Savior.
The first and last.
The beginning and the end.

He was, and is, and is to come.

And that, is all I need to know.

In those two words, I am reminded that this is not my battle to fight. That God is on His throne. And although I believe He is big enough to handle my questions - in fact, I believe He encourages my honesty with Him - it simply is not my job to worry, doubt, and fear.
It is my job to trust in Him. It is also my duty to pray. As Christians we have the amazing power of prayer. I believe through prayer and the power of Christ we can move mountains.
So today I will continue to kneel in prayer, asking for this mountain to be moved, but I will also rest in the knowledge that He Is.