Sunday, July 26, 2009

Convicted and challenged

I am in the process of reading this book, and yes, if you happen to have a memory like an elephant, it's the same book I referred to here, FIVE months ago. I am not much of a reader, or at least much of a book finisher. In addition to reading Believing God, I am also reading this book for our small group (which is very interesting and has provided much fodder for later posts), this book that I started in Hawaii -ahem, in December- which is excellent but is not something you can just read a little at a time, so I find if I don't have a good chunk of time to devote to it, I just don't. For my "unplug" day last Saturday I took this book that my sister Natalie has recommended I read for years and finally just gave up on me getting it for myself so she got me a copy. Oh and I also had my husband pick up this book for me after I read the synopsis of it in People Magazine (which I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge I DO read- and finish -frequently).

But I digress.

On Tuesday I read something in Believing God that has stirred my soul and pulled on my heart ever since. It was in the chapter titled "Believing God to Put His Word on Your Tongue". In this chapter Beth talks about the power of prayer, and the power of His Word. The whole chapter -the whole book, actually- is quite intriguing, but the part I can not get out of my mind is this :

"I sensed God saying 'My child, you believe Me for so little. Don't be so safe in the things you pray. Who are you trying to keep from looking foolish? Me or you?' You see, sometimes I decided that I'd rather not ask certain things than risk a no. I reasoned that God was sovereign and I'd simply let Him do what He wanted. In reality, I was terrified that God or I would let me down and shake what little faith I had."

Me. Too.

The Holy Spirit has been working on me a great deal lately to expand my faith. I serve a Big God, and yet I pray so small sometimes. Why? Because I am scared. I am scared to be let down. I am terrified of putting my hope in something and then having the very ground I am standing on removed beneath me.

It has happened before, and it hurts. It's hard to recover from.

But you do recover.

And in the big picture, if I truly reflect on God's track record in my life, I am reminded there is no reason to be scared. He has always been faithful. And His Word says He always will be.

I am choosing to take Him at His Word.

Will bad things happen? Yes. But my trust is not that life will always be easy, rather it lies in my God Who will always be there to hold my hand through it, and lovingly pick me up if I am knocked over, and perhaps even hold me for awhile after.

I feel Him calling me to believe Big. To pray Big. To hope Big.

And ultimately, to trust Big.

He is Able. Able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, and Able to hold my life and all my wishes and dreams and requests in the palm of His hand.

So here's to asking Big.

9 comments:

The Writer Chic said...

So hard, and yet so true. Trying to let go enough to pray BIG with you.

Heather said...

I love this so much! I sooo want to work on "praying big" for me and my family! I am PRAYING HUGE for you!!!

Vanessa's Dad said...

Natalie will be delighted that you are reading her suggestions.

God will be delighted that you trust Him more and more.

LOVE, DAD

Amanda said...

You DO have a lot of books to finish. But often times, I find I enjoy being in the middle of a book, rather than ending it and having to say "goodbye" to "friends". But it's a little frustrating if you feel like having too many unfinished books that make them feel like things on already jam packed To Do List rather than something you look forward to sitting down and enjoying.

Convicted indeed. In lessons on goal setting they would tell you that if you only dream small you can only expect to gain small. If you want to gain great things you must dream and expect great things. I never quite thought about it the same as praying and trusting in Him for great things. so true.

WaitingandHoping said...

Great post! I too am scared to ask big sometimes because I don't want to be rejected--although I know that God is not rejecting me, but maybe just not answering me in the way I want Him to.

Anyways, thanks for sharing.

Lauren Kelly said...

This was GREAT!!!! :)

Jenna said...

I am praying big with you my friend. Love you!

tara said...

great post kendra! isn't it wonderful that we serve such a big God that is able to meet all of our needs and beyond. have a blessed day!

Faith said...

Amen sister! God has been speaking to me about the SAME THING recently. And, He has been so faithful to answer some big prayers for others around me lately and I'm just claiming that He's going to do the same for me, and you!

One thing I remember the most from that study is that if I err, I want to err on the side of faith. Oh please Lord, give me the faith to trust!!!