Monday, February 22, 2010

33 Weeks!

Hey all...guess what we did today???


Can I get a hallelujah?!?

We get the keys tomorrow and will slowly start moving things over during the evenings this week, with the "big" move happening on Friday...can not wait!

Please keep us in your prayers this week, for David and I as we both feel like we are coming down with colds (sore throats, stuffy-feeling, etc), and for the babies that they STAY PUT for a little while longer and hang on with us during this busy and semi-stressful week.

And don't worry about me lifting anything on moving day. I am not even going to be there =). Since I can not be lifting anything, and really can't be "up and around" too much, our original plan was for me to just park myself in a chair and "point & direct" everyone helping us. Well the more we got to talking about it, the more we agreed I am WAY too Type A for that. It just would feel so stressful to sit and boss everyone around...and I would feel like I wanted to and should be doing something. So....

...I am going to the spa =).

Some of my co-workers got me a gift certificate to a local spa for a prenatal massage. It feels really strange and really selfish to be saying I am headed off to a massage while other people move all my stuff, but I know in my heart it is what is best for the babies. My blood pressure has been so great this entire pregnancy, and I want to do my best to keep it that way!

And now, without further ado, here is my 33 week picture:

Can you believe that belly????

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Updates all around

Thank you all very much for your prayers for Tony and Risa. Things are not completely squared away just yet, but it does appear they have been granted the approval to keep the kid's file a little longer.

This is a BIG answer to prayer, and PLEASE keep praying that the details can be worked out.


Remember awhile ago when I asked you to pray for my niece Cadence who was in the hospital with pneumonia? Well, she has been home for awhile now and is all recovered (thank you Lord!). She still is in need of open heart surgery for a valve replacement soon, and on Tuesday they are going to do a heart cath (angiogram) on her as a pre-op test. Could you please be praying for this procedure? Pray for Cadence, for the doctors, and for my sister Amanda and brother in law Noah.

In case you need a visual of whom you are praying for...
That's a pic from her recent hospital stay. Playing peek a boo with daddy. She is so darn cute I could just eat her up.


Yesterday I had the car seats installed and safety checked to make sure they were in properly. I had heard something like 80% of self installed car seats were put in incorrectly, so I thought I better make sure it's done right.

After all, they will be carrying our most precious cargo.

To see two infant carriers in the back of my Jetta was so surreal....babies...we are going to bring home babies!!

But in addition to surreal, it was also a little concerning....the lack of space that is. I had to have both the drivers seat and the passenger seat wayyyyy forward. When I got in to drive away, my belly was nearly touching the steering wheel! When I pulled into our driveway I called Dave to come out and take a look. When he got in to check it out, his knees were in his chest. For some reason, this struck me so funny that I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face and nearly peed myself.

Shockingly, David found it far less amusing.

I don't know why I found it so hilarious, as we were clearly in a pickle, but I did. After the laughing (again, only on my end) stopped, we both agreed reluctantly that a trade in is in our future. Everyone told us we would need a bigger car, but we were determined to make it work. Until yesterday, that is.


Guess what we are doing at 10:00am on Monday morning????


I know what you are thinking...SHUT THE FRONT DOOR you still haven't moved?!?

No, we haven't. And I am quite bitter about it, but I won't go on and on. Just happy to be closing before the babies head off to college.


And lastly, I had a quick check up yesterday and my doctor did a super quick ultrasound to check the fluid around the babies and guess what....

They are BOTH head down!!!


I know that they could still flip back, but Luke has been head down for months now, and Abbey finally joined the party. Since there is less and less room in my belly, I am hoping they both stay that way and I get to try a normal delivery.

It was so cute to see their little heads both right next to each sweet, sweet babies =).

Happy Saturday all!!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Urgent prayer request!!!

Hey all - our family could use some major prayers right now.

I haven't blogged about it yet, because I didn't know how much I could share, but David's brother and sister in law have been over in the Ukraine for a month now in the process of adopting a sibling group. They have spent time with these children everyday for the past couple weeks, and not only are head over heels in love with them, but are very bonded already.

They have recently run into a paperwork snag that has caused a time delay, which has the serious potential of severely complicating to the point of Tony and Risa loosing the children.

We are praying for a MIRACLE. We know we serve a MIGHTY GOD, who is so much bigger than all of this!! We are praying for His Hands to move things where they need to be, and for patience and understanding on the behalf of those involved in the decision making.

I know there are so many prayer warriors that read this blog, and I am pleading with you to please intercede on behalf of these children and Tony and Risa!!

"For the Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save..."

Zephaniah 3:17

Thank you very much!! I will keep you updated!!

My little project

So last weekend while my husband cleaned our entire house and packed up the garage for our move, I worked on a little project of my own...

The ribbon up close:

I had been looking at names like this online forever, but they just seemed so expensive. I found these letters on sale at a local craft store, and then found the ribbon at Walmart. The whole project ended up costing me like $30. They don't look professional by any means, but they should do just fine. I think it should go pretty well with their bedding...
What do you guys think????

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

32 WEEKS!!!

First of all...WOW...thank you so much for all your sweet comments and emails regarding my last post. I am really touched by how many of you came out of "lurking" to say hello and share your stories with me. It meant a lot to me!

And now for another overdue post: (this one only by 3 days though=))

I am officially 8 months pregnant!! YAHOO!!!

Here is what says our twins look like at this time...

(Seriously, like she could hold up a stomach like that with a backside that small. I don't think so)

And this is what I look like at 32 weeks:

Now THAT backside can support a big stomach! HA!

In other pregnancy news, I had my first contractions Sunday night...EEK!! I am so not ready to be having contractions. They made me really nervous. They came and went throughout the night, and I saw my doctor Monday morning. She said what I described to her is very normal and that frankly she was surprised I hadn't started having contractions sooner. She said they may come and go for awhile before actual labor begins, but to watch them closely and if they increase in consistency or intensity, or don't go away after awhile, to call her right away. She also put me on partial bed rest, so now I am not going into the office at all, but working only part time exclusively from home.

I was very reassured after my visit with her, and have only had a few contractions since then. But I do want to ask you all to please pray our babies and my body can hang on for at least 3 more weeks!!! We have been so very blessed with a drama free pregnancy so far, and I am just praying it stays that way for a little while longer.

And lastly, this weekend I got the sweetest package from my dear friend Heather. I got misty eyed when I saw the "Faith Baby" onesies...I have wanted those FOREVER. And she also sent these super cute note pads. One is a "Babysitter's Checklist", and then 3 weekly calendar note pads, which I think will come in VERY handy as we try and keep track of things in our soon-to-be-chaotic lifestyle!

And Heather sent the sweetest card ever, written to Luke and Abbey. I saved it and put it in their baby box. Someday I will sit them down and tell them just how many people prayed for them before they were even conceived. Many people whom they will probably never meet, some whom I may never even meet this side of Heaven...but sweet friends none the less.
God's family is just so amazing.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Our Journey

This post is long overdue.

And it's going to be a long post.

I will try and break it up into 3 sections.

The short version, the reason behind my delay in sharing, and the whole story of our journey for those interested.

The short version...

We get asked A LOT if we had any medical assistance in conceiving our twins. The answer is yes. David and I got pregnant with our son and daughter after our first round of a combination of clomid and an IUI.

The reason I took so long to write this post...

Honestly the main reason is time. I knew it was gonna be a long one, and so I just kept putting it off. It is a post that I knew would take hours, and I just haven't made the time for it. But in the back of my head, I know there is another reason I was hesitant... people's reactions.

Both David and I have been totally caught off guard by how people react to us sharing about the fertility assistance we received. Shocked, really.

We both have a high regard for being honest at all times, and so when we first started sharing our pregnancy news with people, we were completely honest and very open about our journey. And although I still fully believe honesty is the best policy, I have learned to partially guard areas of my heart that are sacred to me.

When we started announcing we were expecting twins, we found people would outright ask almost immediately "did you do IVF?" Peoples assumptions surprised me. We get that question a lot, or we get "so, did you have help?".

This question is a fair one, and it was one I found myself asking people during David and I's long journey down the road of infertility. I wanted to know people's stories. I was drawn- understandably- to people on the other side of infertility, and I wanted to know what "worked" for them. I was always curious what our story was going to end up being, and when I would hear someone else's, I would always be intrigued wondering if that was what God had in store for us as well...maybe that was the road He was going to lead us down...

And so I always vowed to be forthcoming with our entire story once we were finally pregnant. To be honest, it bugged me when people like Nancy Grace would get pregnant with twins at the age of 52 or whatever, and then when asked if she received any assistance, she would say that was a "private matter".

Now I get it.

When people -and I mean anyone, people we know and people we have never met but happen to be standing next to us in the grocery store line and overhear that we are expecting twins- ask us if we had any "help", we say yes, that the Lord blessed us via clomid and IUI.

And friends, the majority of the time we get a flat toned response of "oh, so that's how you got twins".

And just like that, our children's conception is no longer miraculous.

And that hurts my heart.

Most people who respond this way are just that, flat about it. But on several occasions people have been smug or even down right rude about it.

I have been totally caught off guard by this.

Have any of you out there who received fertility assistance gotten these reactions?

These babies are such a miracle. We tried for 3 years to start our family, and we knew the odds we were up against even with this help. We were given a 20% chance of conceiving with an IUI.


That's not exactly a percentage in your favor.

And with clomid, there is only a 10% chance of twins.

We feel so overwhelmed by God's abundant blessings to us. We feel these babies are one of the greatest gifts God has ever given us, and that their conception and this pregnancy are great and wonderful works of His Hands, and nothing short of miraculous.

And we are determined not to ever let anyone take that away from us.

We know with out a doubt that "The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes" Psalms 118:23.

The whole story...

David and I began trying to start our family in the summer of 2006. We got pregnant after only 2 months of trying, and we were overjoyed. We miscarried that pregnancy early in the second trimester, and both struggled with grief for a long while.

Because we had gotten pregnant so quickly the first time, everyone told us that it would happen quickly again, and we assumed it would.

Months passed by, and David's schooling moved us to a new city. I found a new doctor here and at my first visit we discussed that Dave and I were trying to get pregnant. She said she understood this took some time, and to come see her again if it we got to one year trying post miscarriage.

I didn't think much about that, because I was just sure I would be pregnant by that time.

Well, I wasn't. And at that visit she ordered some minimal testing. Nothing invasive, just some lab testing for both of us.

All the tests results came back great, and she wished us well on our journey.

One of the reasons I love my doctor so much is that she herself suffered from infertility for years. She and her husband had every test run, and everything kept coming back normal. After years of this, and then finally giving up, they got pregnant on their own. She recognizes sometimes it just takes awhile. I respect that outlook.

And although I was by no means ready to go marching off to a specialist, with each month I found myself getting more and more desperate. I would spend hours online looking for "tips" and "tricks" to get pregnant. I ordered books online about fertility diets and such. I became obsessed with tracking my cycle and monitoring every little sign. It completely ran my life.

I ended up calling my doctor and asking if we could try clomid. She was fine with that, and called some in for me. I was SO excited on my way to pick up my prescription. I remember thinking "this is the answer, I just know this is going to be our ticket to pregnancy!!".

Did I pray about this decision. Yes. Did I ever get an answer? No. So I just decided to proceed on my own. If I am honest, in my heart I knew I hadn't really devoted the time in prayer about this that I should have. And while I am being honest, I think I was also trying to "go around God", if that makes any sense. It was kind of like, He wasn't making it happen for us, so I was going to take matters into my own hands.

Silly, I know. But when one is on the verge of crazy, one has crazy thoughts.

When the first month failed, I was devastated. I mean like crying on the bathroom floor devastated. I had thought for sure that was going to be the answer for us, and when it wasn't, I completely fell apart.

Not to mention that I had every single side effect in the book for clomid. I was a complete emotional mess. And really, really depressed. But, I pushed on, thinking we still had two more tries at that dosage, and then my doctor had said we'd up my dosage for another three tries.

The second month didn't result in pregnancy either, and I was in a complete downward spiral. I was so depressed both because of not being pregnant and the medication. I remember driving to a friends birthday party, and cresting over the top of this giant hill and seeing the river down below, and thinking how nice it would be to just drive into it...

I was totally aware at that moment that I had just had a suicidal thought, but I didn't really care.

Did I stop and take stock of where my life was at at that point? Where my marriage was? Where my relationship with the Lord was? No, I just kept pushing on, rationalizing that if I really wanted to be a mother I would have to be determined, and that my "dedication" (read:obsession) was out of love for my future children. What wouldn't I do for them??

When the third month came and went with no pregnancy, I realized I pretty much had to face facts. This was not working, on many levels. I was a train wreck. David and I were handling it completely differently, and he felt miles away. Well, to be fair, everyone felt miles away. I realized I never prayed about anything else. Not only did I rarely pray for other people, but even my prayers for myself were completely focused on just begging the Lord to give us a child.
My hormones and emotions were completely out of control, and I knew in my heart that upping my dose of clomid was honestly going to be dangerous.

I finally decided to spend some honest time with the Lord. Time where I just worshipped Him, sat before Him and listened to Him. Time where the only thing I asked of Him was to tell me what He would ask of me.

After awhile, I heard it. Not audibly, but clear as day.

"Let go."

I remember crying and saying "But Lord, I can't! I want to be a mother more than anything else in this world!!!"

"Not forever Kendra, just for now."

It was tender, but sure.

I knew that I had the choice to ignore this and continue pursuing anything and everything to reach my "goal", but it would be in vain.

So there began a season of letting go. I put everything fertility related in a drawer, and closed it.

It was actually quite freeing.

I spent the next 6 months just falling back in love with the Lord, and trying to find contentment in the life He had given me. David and I made the best of enjoying our life without children...going out to dinners, sleeping in on weekends, and planned our trip to Hawaii.

This was a really special time in my life. I was just telling my sister the other night that I felt like the Lord took me on a "divine romance" with Him. He revealed to me many areas of my heart that needed healing and needed to be changed. There were many dark areas I was not proud of, and it wasn't easy facing them, but He was with me all the way. And although I am not saying He is in any way done with me, I really felt it was a turning point in my life.

I also learned to love Him in a whole new way. He became my greatest confidant. I learned how deep the level of comfort and peace was when I really bared my soul to Him and let Him in to bring healing and contentment.

My desire to become a mother was still there, but it wasn't the end all, be all of my goals. I was working on letting Him lead, and just following where He sent me.

I still am working on that =).

As the new year was coming closer, I knew my annual follow up with my doctor was due, and I knew she would ask about how we were doing fertility wise. I began to pray and ask the Lord if it was time to "pick things back up again". When I felt his blessing, I made my appointment and discussed it with my doctor. We both agreed it was time to pursue some more invasive testing.

She sent me for testing to see if my tubes were clogged, which they were not. And an ultrasound to check out things out as well, and all was normal. She also drew more lab work, and again it all came back normal.

We were told to "just keep trying".

Then randomly the next month I had a really weird cycle, and called her about it. She drew more labs, and my progesterone came back really low. She then referred us to a specialist.

To be honest, I had a hard time with this. I felt like I was broken or something. Really? We needed "special help?" A regular doctor couldn't even help us?

But, we prayed about it and knew it was time. We went in and had our consultation, and we were officially diagnosed with "unexplained secondary infertility". Secondary because we had been pregnant before.

Our specialist drew more labs, and this time my progesterone came back totally normal, as it always had before.

To this day, I wonder if that was the Lord's way of directing us to a specialist.

The only thing that came back slightly off was my prolactin (a hormone nursing mothers have in abundance) came back elevated, albeit only a little bit.

When we had our follow up appointment, the doctor recommended I take a medication to lower my prolactin, and that we try 3 rounds of clomid and IUI's. I was nervous to try the clomid again because of my past experience, but when we talked more about it, I became more open to the idea, recognizing that my mind and my heart were in a different place this time.

He recommended we try 3 cycles of this combo, and if those did not result in a pregnancy that he suggested we move on to IVF.

David and I both knew IVF would not be for us. We have seen the Lord do miraculous things through IVF for many people. But for David and I, we just knew we would never have the money, and also that the Lord had not released us to pursue it. We both just had a stop in our hearts when it came to that step, and therefore knew it was not where He was leading us.

So we made a decision to go ahead with the clomid and IUI's. Both of us were at peace with that step, and I knew that was no coincidence. We decided that we would go as far as the three cycles, and if we were still not pregnant at the end of those, we would begin the adoption process. There was an extreme peace at "casting our lots" within the bounds of where the Lord was allowing us to go. I knew that it would be hard to accept if all three cycles failed, but at least I could say with a pure heart that we had gone as far as the Lord had allowed us too, and that it just wasn't His will for us at that time. And we could start the journey to adoption without questions of what our "other" options were.

I started the clomid and surprisingly had none of the side effects that time. Not a single one. We went in for the IUI, and instead of feeling all "medical", as I had once feared it would, it was actually a really special day. Both David and I were smiling and so full of hope. I will always remember after the procedure was over (which the whole thing took like 3 minutes), the nurse left and David and I just prayed. We asked the Lord to bless this process with a baby, and if that was not His will, that He would help us to trust Him and love Him anyways.

We handled the two week wait pretty well, staying busy and trying not to think about it. We had planned a camping trip months before, having not had any clue at that time that we would be post IUI waiting on results.

The day before I took the test though, was a different story. I was so, so nervous. I remember just bursting into tears several times that day. I felt so much pressure, and I remember spending a lot of time that day on my knees before the Lord both begging Him to please let this be the time, and also begging Him to hold me if it wasn't.

We both found ourselves wide awake at like 4:45am the next morning, and agreed it was time. I took the test, didn't look at it, and came back to the bedroom to sit and stare at my husband as we both watched the clock. Very soon enough time had passed, and I walked back into the bathroom and picked the test up.


It read pregnant.

I burst into tears, walked the test back into my beloved, and said "we're pregnant!!" and he said "let me see that!" It was as if after so many years, he had to see it for himself.

Such a joyous morning for us, one that will always have a special place in my heart.

It was a Sunday, and when we got to Church that morning we decided to share our news with our Sunday school class. It felt a little strange to share it with them before we shared it with our family, but oh how I hope you all have a representation of the family of God in a Church like we do. Even though we shared our news at the very end of class, they all stopped immediately and prayed for us and our pregnancy. And they vowed to continue to lift us up in prayer, and they have.

We went in at 6 1/2 weeks for our first ultrasound, and found out God had blessed us with not only one beautiful beating heart, but two.

Probably my favorite day ever.

Even though we have had several ultrasounds since then, and have loads and loads of pictures as a result, the picture from that day will always be my favorite. That was the first time I ever saw our children.

So that is our journey to our twins. It was a long one, but worth every second. Worth every tear. The things that the Lord did in our lives while we were on this journey are irreplaceable. I know it's easy to say now that we are pregnant, but I am even grateful for the journey, and the heartache that accompanied it.

During the time where I "let go", and let God in, He did a great amount of work in my heart. I am a better wife for it. I am a better Christian for it. And I will be a better mother for it.

People tell me all the time that I am the "happiest pregnant woman" they have ever met. I don't know if that is truth or if they are just being polite, but I will say I have never been happier. Ever. I (most of the time =-) ) can't find room in my heart for complaint when it comes to heartburn, or discomfort, or anything like that because I am just so honored to get to experience this gift.

One of the neatest and most surprising things about this process has been how different I feel now. Good different. Delightfully different. I have never felt more like myself. People who are familiar with the fertility world are often surprised that we got so blessed our first cycle, and we were too. But I feel that was a special gift from the Lord right to my heart. After years of feeling like a failure... like a barren, infertile, lost cause...within one months time, I got to feel like an extremely fertile woman =).

Thanks be to God.

Please feel free to ask me anything you would like about any of this. My email address is located under my "view my complete profile".

I know I took forever to write this, again mainly because I knew it was going to be a novel, but I do very much want to share it. I pray that it glorifies the Lord, and that it offers some encouragement to anyone else still on the journey. If you are struggling with infertility, and would like to prayer or just want to talk, please contact me. I am forever indebted to all the people who have prayed for us, and it would be an honor to do the same for someone else.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Whatever will the babies wear????

If only we had something to dress Lucas in...

And poor little Abbey Mae...bless her heart, barely a stitch of clothing!

And I worry if we will have enough hats and burp rags...

...or enough bibs for both, and headbands for Abigail...

And what about socks and shoes??


It has been so much fun organizing the babies' dresser! It has taken me wayyyyy longer than it should have because I pretty much insist on looking at, smelling, and cuddling with every single little thing. I stop to marvel at just how tiny the socks are, and the little hats, and well just about everything!! I stare at the little jammies and try and picture our sweet babies in them...such bliss!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A little light shopping...

Now that all our baby showers are complete (pictures from the work shower coming soon), Dave and I headed to Babies R Us and Target to collect all the things we still needed.

We were SO BLESSED at all three of our showers! We received SO much great stuff. I was absolutely stunned after each shower at how generous our friends and family are. Seriously.

But, there were still a few things that remained that we needed/wanted. SO, we loaded up our car with the few returns we had (some doubles of things we got that we didn't actually need two of) and headed out.

We also grabbed all the gift cards we had been given.

This is what we came home with:

Not pictured are two crib mattresses, a swing, and a crib.
(we had been given two used cribs, but one of the people who gave us theirs recently found themselves unexpectedly expecting, and we didn't feel right keeping it after learning that! So we gave it back to them. But we found a smoking deal on a crib, and it came with a free mattress!)

Guess how much David and I spent of our own money on all this?

Nope, guess again.

Nope, one more time.

Ok, I will just tell you.



Here I sit, stunned again.

We have been so incredibly blessed. I am just amazed at how many people have been so generous with us! So many thoughtful and kind people in our lives. We had a TON of gift cards, and found some great deals at the stores, and viola. Completely provided for.

I still can not believe it.

This has been such a huge reminder to me of one, how God provides. And two, how much of a blessing I can be to other people. People's generosity towards us has touched us so greatly, and I find myself wanting to bless others in the same way.

Lord, help me to do so.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

31 Weeks

Wow....that is SOOOMMEEE Belly!!

Those aren't the most flattering pictures of me, they were taken this afternoon after Church AND a trip to the grocery store on SuperBowl Sunday (can you say chaos?!), so I am exhausted here, but still happy =)

We are now 31 weeks pregnant, and so thrilled to have made it this far! We had an appointment on Thursday, and everything still appears to be going great. We had another growth ultrasound to check out the wee babes, and they appear to be doing PHENOMENAL.

Luke is coming in around 3 pounds, 14 oz, & Abbey is coming in around 3 pounds, 11 oz.


And Momma is coming in around...

(If you seriously thought I was going to post my weight there, I would like to say Hi and welcome to my blog...because you MUST be new here if you ever thought THAT was gonna happen!)

But I will say I am up 30 pounds. My doctor says they expect a weight gain of 40 to 50 with twin pregnancies, so I am pretty much on track. I do go visit her every 2 weeks now, and every 2 weeks I am up another 2 pounds, so I appear to be averaging about a pound a week!

The babies were both measuring great, and all their organs looked right on track too. They were both practicing their breathing, which the tech said is a great sign that things are going well.

They both were just as cute as ever too!! Well, what we could see. Little Miss Abbey Mae did NOT feel like giving us a glimpse of her face AT ALL. She would not roll over for anything. She was moving plenty, but just would not give us even a glance at her pretty face. Oh well. I told a co-worker later that day "my daughter does not preform". If she doesn't feel like doing something, she just doesn't!

She may or may not get that from her mother.

Ultrasounds at this stage are just incredible. It wasn't the 3D kind, but still we were amazed at what we could see! Both babies had skin rolls on their backs and cute =). And Luke had some CRAZY hair! It looked so long just floating around in all the fluid.

He was a busy little boy as usual, and did plenty of little tricks for us. Including sticking out his tongue a bunch, and at one point even licking his arm! It was so funny to watch!! He just laid there and licked his arm for awhile...silly boy. Almost every time we see him, he moves one of his arms up over his head and poses like a monkey for us, it's so cute =).

His feet are still appearing clubbed, and we have an appointment with his pediatric orthopedist tomorrow. We are not expecting much out of the visit, as it is just purely a meet and greet. He won't be able to tell us much until Luke is actually here and they can xray his little feet. We do know that we have seen his feet moving and him wiggling his toes via ultrasound, so that's a good sign that perhaps the clubbing isn't too severe.

During Church today, our pastor spoke about prayer. He read scripture from Luke 22:42 where Jesus prays "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." This is the prayer Jesus prays before he was crucified on the cross. He knew what was coming, and was asking God to spare him this torture if possible. Pastor Steve was saying that Jesus - being all knowing - knew even while asking that God would not take the cup from him, but that it was His will that Jesus die on the cross. But yet he still asked. Why? Because it was the cry of his heart at that time. Pastor Steve pointed out that often we know the Lord isn't going to do a particular thing for us, but we ask anyways, because it is the cry of our heart at that time.

I guess that's the best way to put how I feel about our son's feet. I ask the Lord all the time to just correct them in utero. I ask that our son will be born, and that the ultrasounds will have been wrong this whole time. But the bottom line is, I feel that they are not. I feel in my heart that although I have no doubt in the Lord's ability to heal Luke's feet before he is born, He is not going to.

And that is honestly ok with me.

I still ask, because it's on my heart, and if I could have my way that is what I would choose. But I can't, and ultimately I am still just so grateful this is something so minor.

I am so grateful he even has feet.

I am grateful he is a healthy little boy, and appears to be happy...he is so busy all the time! I am grateful this small disability will be 100% treatable, even if that means lots of appointments and casts and even a possible surgery. I still thank God it can be fixed, especially before it ever gets in the way of his walking or running or jumping.

In the grand scheme of things, it's so small.

It's such a miracle to me that pregnancy even occurs, and that so many babies are born as healthy as they are. I am still so amazed every time we go in for an ultrasound. I see these babies...and their spines, and their bladders, and their kidneys, and their brains, and their beating hearts...and I am in awe. All I do is eat more, rest more, take my vitamins, etc, and two humans are forming inside of me.

It is an incredible thing.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I'm handling it.


The move - or lack there of - that is.

No, we still have not moved.

BUT, it is truly looking like we may actually really close next week.

Which is awesome, because we have been mostly packed since...ya know, NOVEMBER.

MOST the time, I am able to really just release control about it, and remain relaxed trusting in the Lord's timing...

But every once in awhile, I have a meltdown about it.

And not a small one.

More like a giant-sized one. Like one where I get so worked up and whiney and high pitched that only dogs can hear me.

You know the type?

Well I had one of those meltdowns the other week, and David came up with a great idea of something that may help.

He put together the dresser/changer we had purchased from IKEA back in October.
It had been in it's box out in our garage since then, because we always reasoned that it would be easier to move it that way.

Well, easier before The Great Meltdown of 2010, that is.

Since he put it together I have had so much fun washing all the babies adorable outfits and snuggly blankets, and organizing the dresser.

Now if/when we do end up moving, we can just remove the drawers and move them just as they are.


And clean.


Oh, and can I just say I am totally in love with the smell of Dreft??? If it weren't so expensive, I would wash all my clothes in it as well and just smell like baby-deliciousness all day long.

And lastly, on a totally unrelated and more serious note, could you all please be praying for my niece Cadence and my sister Amanda and brother in law Noah? Cadence was admitted to the PICU today for pneumonia...poor little thing. And this gets even more complicated as she is in need of another surgery, and they can't even begin to discuss scheduling that until she is fully recovered from this.

Bless her sweet little heart.

Thank you!