Friday, August 3, 2012

It was the second time I'd been on the other end of such a phone call.

In 2009, when Monica called, I was stunned. Devastated. Broken.

And this week, I stood there, stunned, as another cherished friend explained to me that she was  calling from a hospital bed to share with me that she was about to be induced, as she had learned that morning that the daughter inside her was no longer alive.

I just don't get it.

I do not know why this happens. 

We just saw that baby move! We were just at their house for a playdate the very day prior, listening to Jennifer proudly talk about how busy Haddie was. I don't understand. She is due in 2 weeks! She just got checked on Monday...she was already 2 centimeters dilated and 20% efaced...Haddie was on her way!

And then that night she stopped moving. And the next morning she remained still. And Jennifer knew. 

A trip to the doctor confirmed what her sinking heart felt. 

Oh, how my heart breaks anew just writing this. 

Monica lived in another state. I was never able to hug her, or sit on her hospital bed and cry with her. But I was honored she shared with me. I was touched she allowed me to be apart of Duncan's birth, via prayer. It's a story I've only told a few people, but Duncan's birth was one of the most Spiritual experiences I have ever had. I'll leave it at this: if you do not believe God will allow you to share in someone elses moment...carry some of their burden...feel a supernatural connection to an experience you are no where near - you are wrong. 

 Jennifer lives in my state. In fact, she lives very near. The twins are five days older than her first born daughter. We see each other at least once a week.

So, in this case...with this friend...with this birth...I got to hug my sweet friend. I got to weep with her. I got to put my hand on her swollen, beautiful belly as I prayed for her family and thanked God for the gift of 9 and 1/2 months with Haddie.

And just like Duncan, Haddie had weight in this world. She matters. She may have gone straight from her mothers womb to our Fathers arms,  but she touched my life. Because of Haddie, I came home from the hospital that night, marched into our nursery, picked up my sleeping babies and held them. I whispered to them that I love them. I cherish them. I thanked God for the gift of them. For the miracle that they are. 

Life is so precious. 

A Gift.

I do not know why God allows such things to happen.

It's all I can do to walk in the Faith I choose to look to, and believe that God will bring good from this. All of it. 

Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."


The Writer Chic said...

Oh Kendra..

I won't say I'm sorry that you have gone through this again. I won't presume to take that "blessing" away from you.

But I will say I hurt for your sweet friend, and I will be praying for her in the coming days and months.

You are a joy, friend. We are all so blessed to have you in our lives, near or far.

Aunt Carol said...

I am so sorry.

Love, Aunt Carol

Dan and Liz said...

I'm not sure how I came across your blog, but I'm so glad I read this story.
I gave birth to my sweet daughter (baby #2) 3.5 weeks ago and she was stillborn. We had no idea until after I birthed her quickly in the car and I caught her in my own hands, lifeless.
Do you have info or a blog for your friend? I know that for me, hearing and knowing other people are going through what I am, so comforting.
It's a big grieving process, but thankfully I have a happy and healthy 2.5 year old to keep me smiling and a wonderful husband.
My blog is if you want to read my story (a couple posts down) or share it with your friend.
Each day seems to get a bit easier, thank goodness.