Sunday, March 1, 2009

Just for laughs...

David's sweet little cousin sent us this email forward this week, and even though we had seen it before, I laughed all over again when I read it...
From a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...............


Becky said...

That is too cute! The sad thing is it sounds true! I used to wake up and my cat would be sleeping around my neck! Maybe she was trying to suffocate me in my sleep!ah! The dog was too hyper to do things like that! It's funny how their personalities were so different, but I loved them BOTH :)

Amanda said...

I don't have a dog or a cat, but that IS funny. :)

Faith said...

Hahahaha! So funny and so true!!

tara said...

as a huge dog lover, i love this! :) i just posted pictures of our weimaraner and great dane playing in the snow this morning! -tara

:) said...

Kendra-- this is so cute and so funny! Thanks for the laugh :)

Lacy said...

This is SOO cute, and pretty accurate. LOL. I used to be a "cat person" until we got married because Jay is allergic. So now I am a "dog person" with a total soft spot for kitties. Actually, I've never met an animal I didn't like. Thanks for sharing this, I can't wait to pass it on to my friends!