Miracle of the Moment

I am doing it again.

Living for the future.

Living in the future.

And this morning the Lord gently pointed this out to me.

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I found myself silently cursing the fact that even though we just went grocery shopping, we need some things from the store. And even though I just caught up on all our laundry, the hamper was full. And even though I just balanced the checkbook, the 1st has come and there are bills to be paid.

I am very Type A. I tend to live for the moments when the all the laundry is completed, the cupboards and fridge stocked, the bills all paid. And if I can throw vacuum lines in my carpet, clean toilets, and fresh sheets on top of that...well, consider me delighted.

But, while it is completely normal to find satisfaction in those moments, it is not the Lord's will for me to find such dissatisfaction in all the others. Because let's face it, those moments when it's all perfect are quite few and far between.

This week has been one I am not at all sad to see go. It has been one of those weeks. It has involved major work hours; last night when I logged my hours, I realized I had 39.75...on Thursday evening. It has involved lab draws, phone calls, results that make nurses say "well, that's just all kinds of wrong!" (great, thanks.), and more questions. And just for fun, it also included some good old fashion family drama.

It's been a busy week.

I found myself this morning so very grateful that the weekend was so near.

And again, while I don't think that it is outside the Lord's will in appreciating or looking forward to good things, I tend to let it consume me, and I forget about today.

Earlier this week I noticed I was thinking about our Anniversary next month, and how we are going to the beach for a few days. I am so looking forward to that - which is a good thing. I love to have something to look forward to, something on the books to be excited about.

But what about today?

Today may not be a great day, but it's a gift.

A long while back I found myself completely living in the future. Constantly allowing my thoughts to be filled with nothing but what the future held of me, for us. When would we move? Where would we move? When will our family begin? Where will we live? What will we do? What will those days look like? What will it take to get there?

I am a planner, those kinds of things come naturally to me.

But I realized the Lord was calling me to train my mind differently. He pointed out to me that in allowing those kinds of thoughts to be my daily focus, I had unknowingly trained my mind to see my current days, my current life, as just "in the way" of my future.

He really pressed upon my heart the need to appreciate the here and now. The life I have right now.

And I do.

I am so blessed. I really love my life, even in the long "transition and waiting" phase we seem to be in. It's a good life. A great one.

In looking back, I am able to see already a great work that God has done in me, helping me to refocus on today...on the blessing of the here and now, and recognizing that I find enjoyment in each day. Today however I found myself slipping. When I get into busier seasons where I can't tell if I am coming or going, it is so much harder for me to remember to think about today.

Those are the days I need to remind myself that there will always be laundry. There will always, always, be things needed from the store. This is my life.

And I do not mean that to sound as depressing or as much like I am "giving up" as it perhaps comes across. It is more of just an acceptance. And when I can accept it, I am able to release the burden of it, and just go on with my day.
Most of the time even with a smile.

There is nothing wrong with my looking forward to vacations or weekends, or the fact that I take such enjoyment in chores being completed all at the same time...because, let's face it; life can be rough. We can have flat-out bad days. And it's good to be able to have certain things -simple things, like an empty hamper- that you enjoy. It's a great, exciting thing to have fun vacations to look forward to.

But when I focus so much on those things that I find such unrest in all the other moments, I am neglecting what the Lord has called me to do.

David and I were talking once about a friend of ours whose husband is in school, with at that time 4 more years to go. This friend was talking about how she couldn't wait for the 4 years to fly by so that their "life could finally begin". David pointed out (to me, not to her) how much she was going to miss out on in the next 4 years if she continued with that mindset. As I agreed with him and thought about how sad I was for her the next 4 years were going to look like that to her, I felt the Lord turn that great big finger I was pointing at my friend right back around to point squarely at me.

Oops.

And this morning He pointed at me again.

"You are doing it again, my child. Where are your thoughts focused?"

On the unknown. On the drudgery of the daily tasks in daily life.

Not on the blessing of today.

Not on Him.

So tonight, as David heads to men's basketball at Church, I will head to the gym, and as I run my legs off on the elliptical, instead of reading my People magazine, perhaps I will just close my eyes and focus on breathing in and breathing out, and listening to my heartbeat.

God is moving all the time.

And I don't want to miss the miracle of this moment.