Sunday, February 26, 2012

Loved

So I got in a car accident, right? Well it was bad enough to deem our car totaled, and bad enough to do some serious damage to my back and neck. Appointments for medical care now fill up my calendar. And it feels like it's effecting every area of my life. The constant pain and general discomfort has made me more than a little cranky. I just HURT almost all day long.

Given that I speak freely on here about my love for Jesus, you may assume that I've been spending a lot of time in prayer lately about all this.

You would be wrong.

I'm by no means proud of that. Just trying to be honest.

Sure, I've been lifting up Jennifer and Kelly, and several other people in my life who are hurting or going through transitions...but praying about my circumstances? Asking God for comfort and patience and grace? Meh.

Spending time in the Word or just generally praising who He is? Notsomuch. Frankly I'd rather be sitting or laying down with my alternating my ice packs and heating pad, wallowing in my self pity about being in pain.

And yet He loves me anyway.

I know this because not only does His Word tell me so, but because He keeps whispering to me that it's going to be alright. And because He keeps sending people my way to let me know that He has laid me on their heart. All week long friends and random acquaintances have been calling, texting and emailing to say something along the lines of "hey, I've been thinking about you a lot lately...how are you?"

There have been many times in my life where I have actively sought Him and been seemingly unable to find Him. Where I've been seeking and spending time pouring over my Bible and in focused prayer, and yet I feel nothing in response. Those times are frustrating and can be difficult to persevere through. He tells us to continue to be obedient, so I aim to and press on believing He is there even when I can't feel Him.

And then there are times like this. Times where I'm not really seeking him or even spending time with him...and yet He reaches out to me. I hear Him even when I am so undeserving of His presence and grace. He whispers to me that He loves me. That it will all be okay. That He has my family in His Mighty Hands, and He loves us. He is seeking Me. And I am so touched by it. That the God of the universe would whisper to my heart even when I have been very nearly ignoring Him...just, Wow.


On Friday I got home from work just in time to sit down to the dinner table with my family. I had left before the kids got up that morning, and not been back all day. After dinner we played for just a little bit, and then it was on to bath and bedtime routine. I felt like I had hardly seen them at all that day.
Before David and I head to bed each night, we always go in and check on our babies. That particular night, as I stared down at my son and my daughter, I stroked their cherub-like cheeks...rested my hand on their backs as I felt them breathe...I was overcome with the most intense desire to climb into their cribs with them and hold them.

Because I missed them.

Because I longed to be next to them.

To let them know that I was there.

That I loved them.

That I wanted to spend time with them.


And it made me wonder...was God feeling the same way about me?

9 comments:

The Writer Chic said...

Hugs, friend.

the name's emily. said...

This is beautiful, Kendra; A great reminder to us all.

nbrown said...

Well THIS made me cry.

My friend Leslie blogged the other day about comforting her son. She gets so much joy out of being able to calm and soothe his cries, and she reflected on the fact that our Heavenly Father feels the same way about comforting us. It brings Him joy.

I love you.

Jen S. said...

Oh Kendra...I feel so bad you were in an accdient, and now in so much pain. Please, please know I am sending many warm hugs and lots of get-well wishes. You're in my prayers. I hope you feel better real soon.

Laura said...

It is a simple answer. YES

Think of how much he loved us to give us his only son. Can you image the love that is? I could never give up Trent for someone else and I am sure you could never image giving up Luke.

Lauren said...

This is just beyond beautiful, friend!!!

Jennifer said...

Oh Kendra! I'm so sorry you are still hurting! And know that I completely understand how you feel. There have been so many times where all I wanted to do was lay down and just do "nothing."

I think about you everday and I thank the Lord for our friendship! I am praying for complete healing for you.

(((HUGS)))

Vanessa's Dad said...

The love a parent has for their child is one of the best descriptions we have for how the Father feels about us. Not necessarily an adequate description, but probably the best we can understand as we walk this world.

Thank you Father for loving us, giving us children and grand children who also know your love.

LOVE,
GRAND DAD

Sarah said...

I'm pretty sure God just looks at you and sees complete beauty. You are His beloved and He cherishes you. You are one of His greatest treasures. Nothing you could do could ever change that. It is the beautiful love story of grace. And if we seek Him, we will find Him...sometimes we just have to be silent while we wait...so, so hard!! I think He delights in watching you grow closer to Him.