Loved

So I got in a car accident, right? Well it was bad enough to deem our car totaled, and bad enough to do some serious damage to my back and neck. Appointments for medical care now fill up my calendar. And it feels like it's effecting every area of my life. The constant pain and general discomfort has made me more than a little cranky. I just HURT almost all day long.

Given that I speak freely on here about my love for Jesus, you may assume that I've been spending a lot of time in prayer lately about all this.

You would be wrong.

I'm by no means proud of that. Just trying to be honest.

Sure, I've been lifting up Jennifer and Kelly, and several other people in my life who are hurting or going through transitions...but praying about my circumstances? Asking God for comfort and patience and grace? Meh.

Spending time in the Word or just generally praising who He is? Notsomuch. Frankly I'd rather be sitting or laying down with my alternating my ice packs and heating pad, wallowing in my self pity about being in pain.

And yet He loves me anyway.

I know this because not only does His Word tell me so, but because He keeps whispering to me that it's going to be alright. And because He keeps sending people my way to let me know that He has laid me on their heart. All week long friends and random acquaintances have been calling, texting and emailing to say something along the lines of "hey, I've been thinking about you a lot lately...how are you?"

There have been many times in my life where I have actively sought Him and been seemingly unable to find Him. Where I've been seeking and spending time pouring over my Bible and in focused prayer, and yet I feel nothing in response. Those times are frustrating and can be difficult to persevere through. He tells us to continue to be obedient, so I aim to and press on believing He is there even when I can't feel Him.

And then there are times like this. Times where I'm not really seeking him or even spending time with him...and yet He reaches out to me. I hear Him even when I am so undeserving of His presence and grace. He whispers to me that He loves me. That it will all be okay. That He has my family in His Mighty Hands, and He loves us. He is seeking Me. And I am so touched by it. That the God of the universe would whisper to my heart even when I have been very nearly ignoring Him...just, Wow.


On Friday I got home from work just in time to sit down to the dinner table with my family. I had left before the kids got up that morning, and not been back all day. After dinner we played for just a little bit, and then it was on to bath and bedtime routine. I felt like I had hardly seen them at all that day.
Before David and I head to bed each night, we always go in and check on our babies. That particular night, as I stared down at my son and my daughter, I stroked their cherub-like cheeks...rested my hand on their backs as I felt them breathe...I was overcome with the most intense desire to climb into their cribs with them and hold them.

Because I missed them.

Because I longed to be next to them.

To let them know that I was there.

That I loved them.

That I wanted to spend time with them.


And it made me wonder...was God feeling the same way about me?