Of Note...

* Remember appropriately two years ago when I scratched my cornea? Well, it's never healed correctly. Every morning, when I open my eyes after having them closed for several hours, my left eye stings with great intensity as my eyelid slams itself shut for a moment to recover. Every. Single. Morning. 

I've never gone back to the eye doctor because...well, because for one, whose got the time? and two, I hate anything having to do with my eyes. You know how some people have a fear of the Dentist, or needles, or whatever? Well mine is my eyes. God help me if I ever have to wear contacts. 

Anyways. Last week I finally made an appointment at the eye doctor. He took one look at my eye under his special microscope and diagnosed me with "recurrent erosion", which apparently is treatable. Great news, right? Yeah except the treatment involves STICKING NEEDLES IN MY EYE. 

Um, no thanks.

It's not that I have a fear of needles, cauz I don't. Tattoos? Got 'em. Nose pierced? Check. Epidural? Bring it. But needles in my EYE?!?!  I felt like I needed a paper bag to breathe in at the mere suggestion. 

After some deliberation, I finally scheduled the procedure for this week. 

When it came time to leave for the appointment, I took one last look at my children's beautiful faces, and drove to the eye doctors office where my impending blindness procedure that was going to cure me was to occur.

They made me wait like 45 minutes before they took me back. I think they had no idea how ready to bolt I was. Once back, I had to sign a consent form before they could begin...which, like a true attorney's daughter, I didn't even read before signing. (I feared the warnings on there would freak me out too much).

The doctor came in and put some drops in my eye to "prep" it for the procedure. He left the room for a bit, and when he came back he had me put my chin in the little support and shined a light in my eye and had me blink. And then blink again. And again. 

Turns out? He could no longer find the scratch!!! Apparently the drops closed the "flap" and he was unable to locate where it even was! It was a MIRACLE I tell ya!!! 

So instead of having needles with adhesive material attached to it stuck in my eye ball, I just have to put these special drops in for the next 90 days before bed.

I seriously felt like a prisoner who had just been pardoned.

Jesus is still in the business of miracles people!! I can testify!!!! =)

* I know I'm risking taking a geriatric tone here, but this week another ailment of mine has topped the "of note" list... I was feeling pretty good on Tuesday night (both elation from my eye appointment miracle and the effects of a pain pill I'd taken pre-emptively for the needle procedure) so I decided to go for a run. Now when I say "run", I mean "walk/jog". Since the car accident in February, I really haven't been able to do much of any kind of exercise. Physical Therapy has released me though and so this month I've been *trying* to start jogging again, even at a veerrryyy slow pace, as an attempt to get back in the game.

Well, Tuesday night I was surprised to find my cadence came pretty naturally (a first since the accident!) and  my endurance was pretty good too.

And then Wednesday morning when I woke up I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

Turns out running on pain meds can create a false illusion of your abilities.

I know, I was shocked too.

I saw the chiropractor Wednesday morning who confirmed I'd "jarred my spine" and set myself back a bit in my recovery.  

The interesting part of this story (if there is one) is my reaction when she said running may just be off my list of things I can do now.

I hate running. HATE IT. I've never liked it. I've only done it to prove to myself I can (which I did, when I ran that 5k last year), and because it's free exercise that doesn't require any equipment. 

But I've always hated it. People have told me over and over again, "just stick with it, you'll become more natural and it'll get easier" and "once you get that first taste of a runners high, you'll be hooked!"

Well, I think the "runners high" is made up and it never once felt natural. 

But when she said I may not be able to really run again, instead of feeling relieved, I felt sad.

Here someone was giving me a Get Out of Jail Free card (I've been looking for an excuse to avoid running forever!) and I was disappointed by it? Doesn't make much sense, except I think we as people just hate being told we can't do something.

* The twins have had colds the last few days, and Dave and I have made an observation. It's always hard when your babies don't feel good. Always. But it certainly gets easier when they are old enough to take an interest in movies. We've had Finding Nemo going pretty much non-stop around here lately, and it's been a lifesaver. Their bodies need to rest, and they'll lay on the couch and watch that contently. Not only does it allow them to take it easy, but it occupies them from whining about not feeling well - which in itself is glorious. 

* Even though they really have been feeling crummy, Luke is just so busy. Dave and I always say he's a "man with plans". He will sit or lay and watch Nemo when he's feeling REALLY lousy, but even when he's sick, he still goes. Today I watched him run up and down our hall, in his Elmo pajamas and Monster Truck rainboots, declaring "La-er FAST!" over and over again. 

I love having a son.

* While I was in the waiting room at the eye doctor, I read the much talked about Time magazine article "Are you mom enough?"

I thought it was a great article. I personally believe in attachment-style parenting. Or at least, parts of it. I don't believe in it because of the statistics they spout, or because of the research they've done, I believe in it because the majority of it's ideas felt right for our family. We were never co-sleepers, partly because we had TWO babies and only a queen size bed, and also because I really could not sleep with an infant so close to me. It paralyzed me. I just could not relax and fall into sleep. I did nurse our babies, but only until 13 months. Nursing was far from natural or easy for us, but I knew I wanted to do it. I was sure of it. So, I stuck it out, and I'm glad I did. I would have been willing to nurse longer, but when I saw a window where both babies seemed to lose interest without any tears, I took it. And instead of feeling like a failure because I didn't nurse until they were older, I felt proud that we had overcome so much to make it that far!

One thing that really felt right to us was to respond to our infants cries. Every time. I'm not saying it's right for every parent and every baby, and I'm certainly not preaching to anyone. I'm just saying for us, it's what felt right. 

And it's paid off...

Yesterday my sister Natalie (Thanks again for the extra set of hands Nat!) and I took Luke and Abbey in for their two year check up. (Yes, they did turn 2 in March...we've been a little busy...) They both got glowing reports in development (I'm sure the extra 2 months helped =) ), and our ped made a point to comment on how far we've come...

Our little Abigail has always been very anxious in new situations and never done well at the doctor. To her credit, she did have some traumatic doctors appointments...like holding her down for a chest xray at 10 months. But yesterday, she stood right up, fearless, and hopped on the scale to get weighed. She proudly showed the doctor how she can jump. She happily obliged turning her head when the doctor wanted to look in her other ear. 

At the end of the appointment, Dr M commended us on how much Abbey has grown, remarking she is "so much more confident and secure" then she has ever been in the past. Dr M went on to say "you should be proud - you did this! Your parenting has taught her trust and security...she is well nurtured"

I firmly believe each child is different and has different needs. And everyone's parenting style is different. For us, it's been worth all the hard, demanding work of having an attachment-style parenting goal.  

But having said ALL that, the part that rang the most true in the article was about the pressure attachment-style parenting puts on you. I should have written it down, because it was perfect. 

It basically said that so many of the "requirements" to (apparently) achieve attachment feel unattainable and just leave mothers feeling like failures. 

Um, yes.

Did I let my babies cry-it-out? Yep. At nearly a year, when they both started waking up 2-3 times a night again, we said ENOUGH. They had to start learning to sleep through the night. Did I receive criticism for it? Yep. Both for doing it at all and, ironically, for not doing it sooner.

The Mom-petition out there is fierce. 

And I can't help but wonder, how many moms are criticizing my decisions simply because their trying to justify their own???

Motherhood is hard enough. I really wish we all could just recognize each of us is doing the best we can, and what works for one family, may not work for another. 

Speaking of Mommas...check out this little cutie and all her "babies"...

She's a natural, don't you think?

=)

Happy Saturday night, all.