Two posts in two days?!
I know, I am shocked too =).
But I was up this morning pondering a new parenting dilemma and thought to myself...I have a wealth of information just a few keystrokes away!!!
Not only are so many of my bloggy friends parents, but I know my family and lots of friends read this as well, and I am hoping to get some advice from you all...
I can't seem to settle the babies into their crib at night. Here is the typical scenario...
Babies wake up at 5:15am to feed. I get them, nurse them. They fall asleep on and off while nursing, and I do my best to subtly wake them so they nurse a good 45 minutes, stopping to burp once or twice during a feed. They both fall dead asleep. It's 6:00am on the dot. I pick Abbey up, burp her, set her down next to me. Pick Luke up, burp him, set him down next to me. Get up, swaddle Abbey, gently rock her and pat her back as we walk back to the nursery....
As I am doing this, Luke starts to stir, and by the time I am getting Abbey settled into the crib he is in full FREAK OUT mode.
Settle Abbey in the crib, come get Luke. Swaddle him, pick him up and gently rock him, pat his back as I walk him back to the nursery.
He takes awhile to settle back in, even with a binkie in his mouth.
Just as I lay him down, Abbey gets going again.
No, they are not waking each other up, I promise. One can be SCREAMING in the others ear and they don't budge.
I pick Abbey up, try and comfort her... she just won't settle in.
Before you know it, it's 7:15am.
I have now spent over an hour trying to settle them back to sleep.
What's a momma to do?
They both calm down when I pick them up, so I know they just want to be held. But the bottom line is I am physically unable to sleep with a baby on me. David can sleep with a baby on his chest or at his side, I just can't.
Do you let newborns "cry it out"?? I am not a big fan of that idea this early...they are just so small and I want them to know their needs are being met...plus they just seem to crescendo...not settle in.
Please understand I know these babies are newborns and I by NO MEANS expect them to be sleeping through the night or anything like that!!! It's just that at 7:55am Abbey was up again to feed...so I got less than 30 minutes sleep. Which would be FINE except I just don't understand why it is taking me so long to put them to sleep after they eat...especially when they FALL ASLEEP while eating!
If you hold them after they eat, they will sleep for 4 hours...yet they say you can't spoil a newborn...????
We've tried putting them to sleep with binkies, but then they both just seem to wake up the minute they fall out.
I figure I can't be the first Momma out there with this problem, so I am polling all of you =)
How did you transition your newborn from falling asleep while feeding to their crib?
I am about an hour away from ordering "The Baby Whisperer" on Amazon.com...hoping you all can save me the $20 =).
I know, I am shocked too =).
But I was up this morning pondering a new parenting dilemma and thought to myself...I have a wealth of information just a few keystrokes away!!!
Not only are so many of my bloggy friends parents, but I know my family and lots of friends read this as well, and I am hoping to get some advice from you all...
I can't seem to settle the babies into their crib at night. Here is the typical scenario...
Babies wake up at 5:15am to feed. I get them, nurse them. They fall asleep on and off while nursing, and I do my best to subtly wake them so they nurse a good 45 minutes, stopping to burp once or twice during a feed. They both fall dead asleep. It's 6:00am on the dot. I pick Abbey up, burp her, set her down next to me. Pick Luke up, burp him, set him down next to me. Get up, swaddle Abbey, gently rock her and pat her back as we walk back to the nursery....
As I am doing this, Luke starts to stir, and by the time I am getting Abbey settled into the crib he is in full FREAK OUT mode.
Settle Abbey in the crib, come get Luke. Swaddle him, pick him up and gently rock him, pat his back as I walk him back to the nursery.
He takes awhile to settle back in, even with a binkie in his mouth.
Just as I lay him down, Abbey gets going again.
No, they are not waking each other up, I promise. One can be SCREAMING in the others ear and they don't budge.
I pick Abbey up, try and comfort her... she just won't settle in.
Before you know it, it's 7:15am.
I have now spent over an hour trying to settle them back to sleep.
What's a momma to do?
They both calm down when I pick them up, so I know they just want to be held. But the bottom line is I am physically unable to sleep with a baby on me. David can sleep with a baby on his chest or at his side, I just can't.
Do you let newborns "cry it out"?? I am not a big fan of that idea this early...they are just so small and I want them to know their needs are being met...plus they just seem to crescendo...not settle in.
Please understand I know these babies are newborns and I by NO MEANS expect them to be sleeping through the night or anything like that!!! It's just that at 7:55am Abbey was up again to feed...so I got less than 30 minutes sleep. Which would be FINE except I just don't understand why it is taking me so long to put them to sleep after they eat...especially when they FALL ASLEEP while eating!
If you hold them after they eat, they will sleep for 4 hours...yet they say you can't spoil a newborn...????
We've tried putting them to sleep with binkies, but then they both just seem to wake up the minute they fall out.
I figure I can't be the first Momma out there with this problem, so I am polling all of you =)
How did you transition your newborn from falling asleep while feeding to their crib?
I am about an hour away from ordering "The Baby Whisperer" on Amazon.com...hoping you all can save me the $20 =).
18 comments:
I checked out the baby whisperer from our library. We tried it-it was NOT a good fit for us. A softened down version of baby wise worked for us. Prayers for you!! Those first weeks are ROUGH, no doubt about it! Sounds like you're doing a great job-hang in there!!
Just a few ideas... I found gripe water, or Tummy ease to be very helpful when someone can't get to sleep. Also, Bach's rescue remedy for kids is helpful and sometimes Milocon, don't ask me why, I am just telling you what works for us. I think you can get most of these things at Freddies. Let me know if you can't find them, we have them at my store. It sounds like you are doing great! Hang in there.
I am SO not the person to be asking this question to. With Sassy, she was literally not put down for the first year of her life. Like, literally. She didn't sleep in her own room in a crib until she was at least 15 months. It was INSANE, looking back on it.
With Little A, I was like something has got to give and we were blessed with a very easy sleeper. I never really had any issues with her. She did enjoy taking naps occasionally in the papasan swing.
My first thought would be that the babies were waking each other, but you say that's not the case. Well, let's see...
Personally, I don't like cry it out this early. Having said that, I've never parented twins. I know the game changes with twins. Let me see what I can find and I'll get back with you.
Have you heard of the "No Cry" series by Elizabeth Pantley? Her books are full of methods that do not involve CIO. I suggest these to my families quite regularly.
In the mean time, good luck! Sounds like you two are doing awesome!
Have you seen this one: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Twins/dp/0345497791/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1271610678&sr=1-1
I have NO personaly experience with it, and the rviews are all over the place, but it's definitely on the topic you are looking at! :)
You are definitely not the first Mom to go through this - we are going through this right now with our 5 week old. The first few months are rough - trying to get into a routine and learn what works and doesn't work is like a big science experiment most days. We are on day 2 of trying to get our son to nap in his crib - he has been sleeping in our room each night either in his bouncer or most often on my chest. Now that he is getting heavier, its getting harder for me to sleep.
The only thing I try to do is get everything in order so that when he is done eating and burping, he can be laid down without being disturbed too much. I have him changed & swaddled before he gets fed. Good luck and just know it will get better with time and this is just temporary :)
My advice won't help much. We co-slept with both kiddos. I could nurse then go right back to sleep. But I don't know how you could easily do it with twins.
I've heard if you are trying to get them to sleep in their own beds, that it's better to get them to fall asleep NOT in your arms/while nursing. But I don't know when you're supposed to start that transition...
Good luck mama!!
By no means am I an expert (especially considering I don't have any kids), but here are my thoughts on the situation.
1) It IS too early to let them "cry it out." I'm not sure when the "correct" age is, but I assume they need to have a few months under their belts. I believe the purpose of the "cry it out" method is to get them to sleep through the night, which your sweet babies just aren't ready for. :)
It's one thing to let them fuss for a few minutes to see if they calm themselves down, it's quite another to allow them to crescendo and wail until NO ONE in the house is getting sleep.
2) If being held is all it takes to calm them down, perhaps we need to investigate methods to simulate that sensation for them without your physical arms surrounding them. I know you want them sleeping next to each other, and they're probably too big for one boppy now (sad, since they weren't just a few weeks ago), but is there any way you could surround them more securely so they feel like they are in someone's arms?
3) This is less ideal because it requires supervision, but I know a lot of parents put their babies in a carseat and then on top of the dryer. The vibration is soothing. It might put them into a deeper sleep. Probably not something you would want to make a routine, but desperate times call for desperate measures. :)
4) Call their (favorite) Auntie Natalie, she's always willing (more like BEGGING) to help. I'm not even joking when I say I could even commute a few nights a week and just be there for the few shifts were you NEED the sleep. Your sleep is far more precious right now than mine. Seriously.
5) Music instead of womb noises? Brycen listened to Baby Mozart for all sleeping times - naps and bedtime. It became a routine that he recognized at an early age.
I'll do some research and get back at you with my findings, because none of these (minus option 4, which I doubt you will take me up on, hehe) are the "quick fix" I know you are wanting. :)
Praying for you!
AHHH...one of the great questions of the universe.....
SOMEONE will someday develop pacifier glue or some little device like that slips through the binkie and over the ears like eye glasses which holds those binkies in place....ANYONE???? You could make a MINT!
It is too quite in their room compared to the living room? What happens if you mix it up and try putting them down in their bouncy seat(s)? Did you try the heating pad? Can you tell I'm grasping at straws here? Have you tried straws????? Hang in there! You guys are amazing parents.
The great line of parenting is "no matter how wonderful or yucky the current stage is, it will be gone in the blink of a minute".
I love you, mom
Sounds like you are doing everything right, girl. I wish I had some awesome words of wisdom for you. I am not a fan of crying it out....definitely not this little!!! I still only let AK cry for 5 minutes at a time....but I probably need to toughen up now that she is almost one!! ha! I will be praying...I am still so impressed with you! You are such a great momma!
I just put this on our Netflix, hoping it will help!
http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/
Another couple of thoughts...
1. Is it possible when you have a helper there that each baby could be swaddled just before the final nursing step so you aren't doing that after they are already deeply asleep (thus, perhaps, disrupting that sleep)? You could maybe then go directly from burp to crib? I would think a baby could go to sleep without a totally dry diaper, especially with how great diapers are today????
2. Do twins ever get swaddled together? I loved Natalie's thought of arms around them. I may be way out in left field, but it's just a thought that they could be loosely swaddled in one blanket.
3. There is also the possibility they are outgrowing swaddling. I know some babies love it, some don't.
I am willing to come up any night and sleep over to give you some help catching some longer stretches of sleep.
mom
What happens if you let Luke wait for you in a swing or bouncy rather than lying flat? That way he may not wake up quite as fully.
We spent the first five or six weeks of Asher's life with me seriously considering pulling my hair out. Babies and sleep - I swear if someone told me to stand on my head and drink a tablespoon of vinegar every morning, and my infants would sleep soundly (for however long they are supposed to sleep) I would do it. I'm sure that's probably where you are right now too.
The thing that made the biggest difference in getting Asher to sleep soundly at night was to start his day at the same time every morning. It takes serious self-discipline on your part, but set your alarm for whatever time you want their day to start (7 a.m. or 6 a.m. are the two options I've always heard, based on what fits into your routine best). At 7 a.m., feed them, even if they just ate an hour ago, and it's just a snack. Then from there, feed them in whatever method you are right now (whether that's on demand or on a schedule). My sweet friend with nine children recommended this method, and it worked! Twice! I don't know what it is about doing this, but for whatever reason it resets their internal clocks, and I swear to you it works (at least it has for me twice - and that's with one great sleeper and one lousy one).
The thing that worked for Silas was to sleep on his belly. I know, I know. And maybe with twins there's a higher risk that I don't know about. But he just wouldn't sleep without being on his belly or sleeping on me.
I wouldn't expect them to cry it out just yet. What I would do instead is to pick them up, comfort them, and once they are comforted, put them back to bed. Over time, they really will get it. Gentle, but persistent - that's what has accomplished everything with my children, from sleep to not biting to sitting down to eat their snacks. Gentle and persistent - you can shape their behavior that way.
Hope that helps.
I had this same problem and after trying several different things, we finally figured out that Kaden is a tummy sleeper. I know everyone says you aren't supposed to, but that's the only way he would sleep! People freak new mom's out saying your baby will die if they sleep on their tummy. Well I know that it's worse to let them do that if you have a bumper pad or animals/blankets in there with them. So I removed the bumper pad and purchased a monitor that had a sensor pad to put under the mattress. It would alarm if the baby was not moving, including breathing, so that was a life saver. But that wouldn't work for you if they were sleeping in the same bed. Then we had the paci falling out mess. I was up every 10 minutes putting the paci back in and finally went to the store in desperation and bought every brand and size of paci they made and tried them all out. Turns out, his paci's were too small and that's why they wouldn't stay in. He started using a 6 month+ paci when he was a month old and it stayed in all night! Hope this helps! You are doing a great job and I think you are Supermom!!!!
Try giving them each a beer... Just kidding. All of the above suggestions seem like pretty good collective wisdom.
LOVE,
GRAND DAD
One thing to consider is that maybe the little ones don't need to be burped? Seems a radical idea here in the U.S. but in most places in the world, *we're* seen as weirdos because we insist on whacking little babies on the back for 15-20 minutes, just after they've fallen asleep contentedly nursing. Often times breastfed babies don't need to be burped -- they're not ingesting any air. See what happens if you skip it.
Also, this won't help you, :( but really I think babies were not meant to sleep alone. They don't in most other areas of the world -- babies just don't have their own rooms down the hall from mom and dad.
That being said, am I excited that my 2 1/2 yo still nurses to sleep at night in his own bed and then comes and crawls in next to me some hours later? Not at all. But it will eventually pass and I know I will miss it.
Hang in there, Mama, you're doing great! There is no easy answer to this. Babies just want to be held -- and no, you definitely cannot spoil them by making them feel safe and comfortable. That's all they know and want from you.
I wish I could give you some advice...alls I can say is that I am lifting you up in my prayers daily! Especially with this trial. What precious sweet little ones they are!
Wow such good suggestions from everyone!! One thing that worked for me with Jameson is changing his diaper before feeding. Not sure if you can do this before you feed the twins, but this way you can mess with them while they're awake and then when they're sleepy putting them straight to bed. Also, I used (and still do sometimes!) a heating pad. I would turn it on and lay it on his swaddling blanket in his crib (or wherever the babies are sleeping) and have that blanket just heat up while I was feeding him. Then when I'd go to lay him down his bed was nice and warm. Of course turn off the heating pad and keep it away from the crib before you lay them down-but you would know this :) For me it worked great. It was such a shock from him going to my warm arms where he was asleep to a cold bed! Now he sleeps! Remember your babies are still so little so it'll take some time to adjust. Hang in there cause hopefully in a few weeks you'll have a great schedule! Good luck!!
Hi Kendra, it's hard to say since I've only had one baby to "deal with" and two is completely different. But I didn't let Kennedy cry it out until she was about 4 or 5 months old. I got alot of "You'll spoil her, she gonna be a brat" but the research proves differently. Sometimes the only thing that could get her to sleep was the swing. I hesitate to suggest this b/c you don't want to form a habit of only sleeping in the swing that will then be hard to break. Is there a way you could swaddle them both, then carry them into the nursery? Like swaddle abbey and maybe have David help swaddle Luke then carry them in? I don't know if it'll work, just an idea. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Hang in there, you're doing great!
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