Sunday, April 4, 2010

Some rambling and then a whole lot of cuteness!

(I started this post yesterday afternoon, so when I say "today", I am referring to Saturday =) )

Wow.

We are home and settling in, and totally overwhelmed! Having 2 newborns is demanding for sure.
We sure do love them though =).

Today has been a better day. It is so nice to have David home all day and not have to go anywhere.
We got home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, and turned right around Thursday morning we had to be at the pediatrician at 8:30am, and that was a long visit. Then Friday my mother in law and I went to the lactation consultant for 3 hours. But that was TOTALLY worth it!! She was so so so helpful.

Nursing has been going ok, but it is not going as well as I had hoped or naively assumed. Lucas was having such a hard time latching. He would cry and fight me every time. But since the visit yesterday, he has done great! Praying he keeps it up. I have been feeling a ton of discouragement in this area. I SO want to nurse these babies, and it has been defeating that we have had to supplement them with formula right away. We had to start supplementing with Abbey pretty much right after she was born due to her low blood sugar from the stress of her birth. Then Luke lost 10% of his birth weight pretty quickly, so we had to start him too. That immediately made me concerned about being able to produce enough to EVER meet their needs. I still am nervous about this, but was greatly encouraged by my time with the lactation consultant yesterday. She wants us to wake and feed them every 2 1/2 hours, with one 5 hour break allowed a day. We can't allow them to just let us know when they are hungry since Abbey is still under 6 pounds. She is such a tiny little peanut!!! It is SO time consuming to wake, change, then nurse each baby for about 20mins, then feed each baby formula for about 10-15, then burp and put each baby back down. It can take over an hour...only to start again 1 1/2 hours later!!! We tried this last night and Abbey just isn't awake enough to eat every 2 1/2 hours ( we had been doing 3 on the recommendation of the hospital pediatrician). She wouldn't latch and just slept so soundly. So, we made a judgement call and went back to 3 hours. I see the LC again on Tuesday, so we can go over that then. We tried to make the 5 hour stretch from 12:45am-5:45am, but Abbey started fussing around 4:40am. Still that's 4 hours!!! It felt SO good to get that much consecutive rest. And I can't tell you how great it feels to just be HOME today.

My incision is healing pretty well. It was doing some funny things yesterday, but luckily my mother in law is a nurse and she was able to check it for me. We paged the on call doc last night because it was just a little funny looking, but he said it all sounded fine. It is becoming less and less painful every day too...thank you so much for your prayers. I was in SO MUCH pain those first few days, I just couldn't see it ever getting better.

We are sure loving being home as a family. I can not believe what a natural daddy David is. He just has such a grace about fatherhood, it's stunning. His instincts have been dead on with them, and I am so glad to have him as a partner in this. Plus, I just fall in love with him all over again when I watch the babies just melt him. =) He has been so supportive of me also, as I have been a weepy mess the last 5 days! He has been so patient and encouraging of me. I am grateful God gave me such an amazing husband.

Motherhood is wonderful. I really do love it. It's just been surprising to me how little time I had before today to just enjoy it. There has always been something to do every second of the day and I often can't tell which way is up. So much conflicting advice out there..."sleep when the baby sleeps" hard to do when you have so many places to be!! "Just hunker down at home and take your time to settle in"...again, we have had places to be, "try and do something for yourself everyday"...with what time? It seems like every break between feedings I have to evaluate what to do with the limited time...shower? Nap? Pump to build my supply? Eat? Get a few things done like laundry or blog? It's a constant process of deciding what will make me feel best. I feel like I have just been maintaining (barely) and not relaxing and enjoying them. Again, today has been so much better.

I also don't think I have fully processed all that happened at the hospital. I think I need to grieve missing Abbey's delivery. After I pushed Luke out, they showed him to me briefly and then rushed him over to a warmer to focus on getting Abbey out since she was in distress. And then she couldn't be turned and her heart rate dropped severely and the last thing I remember is begging God out loud to please save my baby girl as the doctor said "she's gotta go under"...I just never in a million years imagined that the first time I would see my babies would be hours after they were born, in the OR recovery room, with warm blankets all around myself due to the horrible shaking from the anesthesia. It was a strange way to begin all this, and I don't think I have fully recovered from the "shell shock" of it all.


Thank you so much for all your prayers for us, please keep praying for us as we settle in to being a family of four.

Please pray that nursing gets easier. I know everybody has different things that work for them, and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for the babies if I quit...but I don't want to. I REALLY want to do this. I am so hopeful for the day when I can meet their needs with breast feeding alone, and when we can just feed them when they wake, NOT having to wake them to feed.

Now, enough of me rambling...here is what you REALLY came for...

Abbey coming home...isn't she tiny!?

Little Luke all ready to go!!


They LOVE being snuggled together!

Back to my babies now!

Happy Easter- He is Risen!!!


12 comments:

Vanessa's Dad said...

Thanks for your blog. You never HAVE to blog. The health and well-being of you and your kiddo's comes first. We do appreciate when you find the time and energy to give us an update.

You two are such good parents. Give yourself permission to listen to all the expert advice, and then decide, as parents, what seems best at the moment.

I'm glad you and David recognize what a good team you are.

U R in survival mode. That will last for who knows how long. But, one of these days, you'll realize that it's gotten much better... or at least different... and that will be progress.

There's simply not enough time in the day for all the things on your "list." But, there's always enough time to get done what needs to be done by you today. The rest will simply have to wait 'til tomorrow.

I recommend a beer every day. Dr. Daddy's orders. Works for me, and I'm not nursing.

LOVE,
GRAND DAD

Heather said...

Sweet friend!!! Every time I feed Avery Kate, I pray for you and the nursing. I promise, promise, PROMISE it will get better and easier. Oh, mentioning that every 2 1/2 feeding schedule gives me a pit in my stomach even now!!! I had to do that with both of mine to try to get them to gain weight...and it was a NON-STOP cycle of feeding...then 5 minutes of rest it seemed....then feeding AGAIN! And trying to wake them and keep them awake is the WORST. HORRIBLE!!! :(

I know you're getting LOTS of advice...but one thing I learned after Connor is to not let the doctors, etc. freak you out about the feedings, weight, etc. Which it sounds like you are already trusting your instincts and doing what works for the babies and for you...but keep doing that and they WILL gain weight. You will not have to supplement too long, I really don't think. Two babies is just ALOT!(Honestly....so is one!!!) Your body just has to figure out how much milk to "make" and those sweet things have to figure out how to eat efficiently. And they will. They totally will soon.

This post just takes me back to those first days of motherhood and how HARD they are. Just plain tough. But it gets better....and then it gets AWESOME.

You are already such a wonderful mother...and the pictures make ME melt!!!! Those sweet, sweet things!!!! Keep enjoying them!

And you PLEASE feel free to e-mail me if you need some encouragement or just want to vent!!!! :)

And I know my comment is too long...but just had to give you a laugh....

Doctor: "It's a girl...you have a boy and a girl!!!!"

Monica: "A boy AND a girl!!! Now we have one of each!"

Chandler: "And that's ENOUGH!!!!" ha!!!!

Love you!

Julie said...

Love the pictures and I'm quite impressed with your blog writing despite lack of sleep and time :) Can't wait to snuggle those babes and give you a huge hug!! You know I'm here for you whenever you want to chat.

Mary said...

I'm glad for the update, but we rate far behind your sanity and those little babes.

Nursing is hard. It's hard to accept that it's not the most natural thing in the world, but it sounds like you're doing what works for all 3 of you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you can get in the swing of things!

Take care, and thank you so much for sharing more pictures. So sweet :-)

He has risen indeed! I've been humming Christ the Lord has risen today ALL day today

Lori said...

They are so adorable!! And so little!! WOW! I am glad that you are feeling better every day. I cannot believe how much you have been doing since the babies came! You are a great mother!! :) You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

Heather said...

Thanks for the update, LOVE the pictures. They are the two sweetest babies EVER! Just gorgeous!

I have been praying for you- successful nursing, peace of mind, encouragement, etc.

Nursing is so hard! I completely understand your desire to want to nurse, and I think you should keep up with it for as long as you feel that it makes sense and that it is working for your family. Try to remember that it WILL get better and easier with time. Try not to let those discouraging feelings get the best of you- the important part is that you are TRYING and doing what you can. You are open to learning, and you are giving it your best effort, and that is all you can do, my friend! A big, fat WTG... I know lots of twin mamas who are too intimidated to give it a go.

You take care of yourself and those babies. Try to relax and take some deep breaths. Things will begin to feel more "normal" every day, as you guys work towards a routine. Normalcy WILL return, I promise! (A new sense of it, at least!)

Feel free to email or call to talk through anything or just vent,. I am all ears! :)

Unknown said...

They are so beautiful Kendra!! I'm impressed that you had such a long post. I totally know what you mean about trying to do things. Showers and meals for yourself are at the bottom of the list. You are doing great and I'm just so happy for you!

Family of 5 said...

First, they are beautiful! Oh how you could just stare at them all day...I'm sure!
2nd...I am praying for the whole nursing adventure...it can be so hard when you have no idea what to expect...and especially trying to feed two at the same time! Praying for strength for you and patience!

Sarah said...

Such SWEET little babies!!!

Hang in there with the nursing. It WILL get easier. Those early days are the WORST but they are certainly finite. At some point, soon probably, they'll be waking up frequently to feed on their own and you won't believe that you ever had to wake them up and keep them up to eat. It's insane how hard it is but once it "clicks" for them and becomes a little easier you'll all be able to enjoy it.

You're an amazing Mama!

Leza said...

Kendra they are absolutely beautiful. You are truly blessed. I hope nursing gets a little easier for you and your schedule gets easier. Congratulations on these beautiful bundles.

Always praying for you.

The Coach's Wife said...

Girl, I love the pictures! Your babies are BEAUTIFUL! You will have to give me some pointers once I start breastfeeding.

Lauren said...

Your family is just beautiful!!!!!!!!! Keep the pictures coming. Love you!!!!!