On my post last Tuesday, where I described the "thumb-incident" (as it is now being referred to), I mentioned that I hadn't slept well the night before. I said I would get to the "why" later, and I am feeling like now...is later.
Part of the reason for that is it has taken me a good few days to process all this, and really think about how I feel. I have always written much better than I have spoken, and writing my thoughts and feelings out now just seems like a good next step.
On Monday night of last week, my mom called. We were chatting about Thanksgiving and making plans, and then she said she needed to talk to me about "something". That something turned out to be that she was having surgery on Thursday to remove cervical cancer.
It's so strange what happens when someone says or does something that catches you off guard. It's like your body just kind of goes numb. I think it is some kind of self preservation type thing, where your mind is trying to process what you just heard, and so everything stops and time just stands still for awhile while you try and comprehend what just happened.
I wondered why she was telling me this in this manner, so fact like, and right after a casual discussion about Thanksgiving. And then I realized there is absolutely no
right way to tell someone something like this. No mother ever wants to have to tell their child something like this...what's the "correct" way to do it?
I asked her why she hadn't told us before? Why hadn't we heard about this in the very beginning, at the biopsy stage or something?
Her answer was what I see as a very loving, motherly answer. "Why worry you guys until I knew if there was even a reason to?" I can respect that. I am not a mother yet, but I get that. I really do.
She was being so protective and worried about me and my sisters, saying things like "I just don't want you girls to be worried, I really think it will be ok." And then I finally said "Mom, I am 27 years old. I know I am still your kid, but I am a grown woman, don't worry about me so much, you need to worry about and take care of you."
Her only reply to that was "Kendra, you will understand when you have children of your own."
I am sure she is right.
The
good news is they caught it very early. And they were right on top of getting her scheduled for surgery. There is a very good chance that they will have removed it all, and this chapter of her life - the cancer chapter- could be closed.
The
best news is my mom knows Jesus. My heart just breaks for my brothers and sisters in Christ who have family members who are hurting and
don't know Jesus. Oh how much harder that would make all this.
So Thursday I took the day off work, and headed down to my hometown. That morning on my way there, I was anxious. I was nervous. Scared. Sad. I also still felt kind of numb. It was like I still didn't quite know what to think about all this. I think my little sister Natalie best put words to the situation when she noted the recognition of the full magnitude of having the "C" word officially enter our immediate family for the first time ever. It's a scary thing.
I had been praying Monday night. I had been praying all day Tuesday and Wednesday. But on Thursday morning as I was in the car driving down there, it was as if I had no words to pray. I didn't know
how to pray for this. I didn't know how to put words to how I felt. I was very anxious.
Then a gleaming white Lexus drove passed me. It had a large, black bumper sticker perfectly centered on the rear bumper. In white capitol letters, it said "TRUST JESUS". That was it. No website listed, no business link, not even a scripture reference. Just
Trust Jesus.
Coincidence? I think not.
I breathed in deep, exhaled, and thought...ok. I will. Jesus promises us He will never leave us or forsake us. He promises us He will never give us more than we can bear.
I take Him at His word.I went to pick up my littlest sister, and we went down to the hospital to meet up with another sister (there are 5 of us total if you are losing count), her boyfriend, and my mom's boyfriend. The 2 sisters that were able to be there and I got to go in and see my mom right before they wheeled her into surgery. And back there in the pre-op room, the weirdest thing happened...
We laughed. We laughed so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. There was absolutely no anxiety. No fear. No sad tears. Only joy.
We had been sitting in some chairs next to the gurney my mom was on, idly chatting, when Vanessa started cracking up. She says "I am sorry, but can this really be considered sanitary?" We all look at what she is pointing at, and immediately start cracking up. Of course I had to bust out my camera....
It was a stethoscope hanging on a hook on the side of a counter. And it was hanging directly into a trash can.
That's Vanessa and Emily questioning the situation.
Of course that led right into a discussion about if the gloves that were in the trash can were in fact the very gloves that the surgeon would use, and so on and so forth. We were laughing so hard. It will always be a really fun memory for me.
While waiting for the surgery to be completed, Emily and I went over to get some snacks from the cafeteria. By the way - holidays, and days when your mom is having surgery are diet-days-off days - so those snacks consisted of Cheetos, rice krispie treats, and brownies with M&M's in them. On our way over to the cafeteria, we couldn't help but notice how beautiful the fall leaves were:
Weren't they beautiful colors?
Thank you Lord, for the trees, for the miracle of that moment, and for being with us on Thursday, and everyday...
The surgery went well, and shortly after she woke up, my mom was discharged to go home. She has been recovering and resting. Her doctor has been reluctant to discuss the next steps in this process until he knows more. We are currently awaiting the pathology from the surgery, and should have those results on Tuesday (tomorrow). Our prayer is that the pathology confirms they were able to remove all the cancer, and that this battle is over.
We covet your prayers as well.
My prayer is also that if that is not what the Lord has in mind, that He would continue to hold my mom -and the rest of us- in His arms, and that the doctors would have wisdom to know what to do next.
While driving yesterday I was listening to my MercyMe CD and the song "Spoken For" came on. I absolutely can not listen to that song without crying. I adore the lyrics.
Covered by your love divine,
Child of the Risen Lord.
To hear you say,
"this one's mine",
My heart is spoken for. I was reminded that
we are children of The Risen Lord. And that is no small thing.
I am so grateful that my mom's heart, as well as mine, is Spoken For.
Ahhhhh!! How did that happen?!? This is our daily countdown in our kitchen, and somehow, in between shoveling mounds of mash potatoes and rolls in my mouth I managed to forget that we were almost down to single digits!!!!!!!
We had taken a few pictures before this, in which he put on his serious picture face. I told him it was Thanksgiving and he needed to smile big, so this is him being an obedient spouse. God love him.
The husband and his mom. I seriously have the best mother in law in the world. I am sooo blessed!!
Dave's cousin Alex, brother Tony, and sister in law Risa.
Dave's other brother Peter, and our littlest nephew Jason.
My attempt at a self portrait with our nephew James. Not easy to do with a three year old...as you can see =-).
Uncle David tickling James =-)
He is going to make such a wonderful daddy someday!!
This activity was a favorite for both me and James. That is until he nearly took an earring out with some seriously aggressive brushing...
Yes I do realize my dress looks like a maternity dress, and that I look 6 months pregnant. I assure you I am not. It's just the dress. And the cheesecake. And the mashed potatoes.
Natalie and Emily.
We missed you Amanda!!!!
And a little more game playing...
and some more...
It's just not the holidays until you have someone you love buzzing you annoyingly in the ear!!
