Sunday, October 10, 2010

Follow up

First of all, thank you very much for all your comments/feedback/advice.

My gut said I had every right to be upset, and my Momma-Heart did too, but I just needed some validation that I had "the right" to be upset enough to say something.

The truth is I was furious when I walked in and saw Luke that way. Five minute rule or not, God Himself must have closed my mouth, because I wanted to shout "HAS HE BEEN THAT WAY THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS AWAY?!?!!?"

I could have understood - or at least been more understanding -if my babies were asleep in their carseats, or much younger, and usually content to "lay" in one spot. But at 6 1/2 months, my babies love to roll around on the ground, play with toys, bounce in jumperoo's, etc. And to find out they had spent the whole time buckled into their carseats...well, I was none too pleased.

Three hours after we got home from Church, I was still fuming, and making statements to David like "we may as well have just left them in a coat closet!!".

That's when it was suggested that perhaps I was overreacting a tad.

I knew in my heart that I felt upset on behalf of my kids, and really that was all I needed to know. I just couldn't decide if it warranted something being said to someone in charge or not, that's why I wanted to "check" with you all to make sure my crazy morning and sleep deprivation weren't clouding my thoughts and making me angrier than I should have been.

Part of what burned so much about this experience is we rarely leave our babies. I mean in 6 1/2 months I can count 3 times that we have left them -each time for under 2 hours-with someone. (Outside of Friday afternoons when we both work and either my in laws or my sister comes to our house to watch them.) So leaving them was/is hard for me in the first place. I have had to fight myself the last two Sundays from constantly going down and checking on them. I just sit in the service and tell myself "don't be a hovering mom...they will flash your number if they need you...you made it clear to them you don't mind being paged...they are fine..." So it really stung to have (essentially) one of our first times leaving them go so poorly.


I did end up sending an email to the Children's Ministry Director (although I hear you Monica on conversation being better than email, I tend to express myself MUCH better in writing then in verbal conversation). I would like to think my tone was polite yet frustrated. I tried to make clear that I was not looking for anyone to get "in trouble", just that I was upset at what happened, and I had expected... more. Also I wanted it made clear that I do not mind volunteering down there if the workers feel overwhelmed, so that each and every baby can be attended to.

I told her that for years I was pretty much the solo worker at our old Church (it was much smaller), and we had forms the parents could fill out that said "under what circumstances would you like to be called from the service?" and a few times parents would write something along the lines of "bodily injury" or "uncontrolled crying for 30+ minutes", basically communicating that they perceived the nursery workers role as to protect their (the mothers) time in the service at all costs. Fine for them, but I am not one of those parents. While I do enjoy the "alone" time in the service while the babies are in the nursery, as I said above they are never far from my mind, and the "break" isn't the main reason we decided to start dropping them off their in the first place. We wanted Luke & Abbey to get a chance to socialize with other babies and adults, and play with/in new toys in a new environment.

To my pleasure, she felt exactly the same way. She was surprised and upset to hear about what had happened, and apologized. She was so sensitive and tender and really validated my concerns. She stated she feels the nursery exists as a ministry to both the mothers and the babies, and she echoed many of the exact same statements some of you made about its purpose. She said she was so glad I communicated with her, which I was relieved to hear =). She is coming up with a plan to make sure there are more volunteers trained ASAP, so that when the people assigned to be in there each Sunday get overwhelmed they can get more help right away.

I am so glad I said something, and even more pleased with the response.

Here's to resolution.


3 comments:

Lori said...

I am so glad that you found a resolution!! You are a great mom and I think that you handled the situation very well!!

Vanessa's Dad said...

Well done, Kendra.
Well done, David.
Well done, Bloggers.
Well done, Children's Ministry Director.

"... all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." Julian of Norwich, a spiritual authority in Medieval England.

LOVE,
GRAND DAD

Linda Lee Brown Ayers said...

Excellent! Sounds like you did an amazing job of getting your point across and you were HEARD.

I can remember going to church one Sunday and being soooo overwhelmed with parenting and writing "blood and plenty of it" on that form. I'm sure it was with daughter number 5 (sorry, Emily) and was confident the worker didn't take me seriously.

We are off to church ourselves now and looking forward to hearing how things went today.

I am also convicted to check in with our Children's Ministries person about getting on the volunteer list for the nursery.

I love you, mom